Fun-Size Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish guy on cell: I finally got evangelized this week! (pause) It wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be.

–121st & Broadway

Lady on cell: Have fun with the… what do you call them… Oh, people!

—Shakespeare in the Park Line, Central Park

Overheard by: Megan W.

20-something male looking at painting: Hangings probably aren't as fun as they look.

–MoMa

Kid to his mother: Wow! The critics were right, this is the most fun you can have while sitting down!

–Outside Hairspray

Overheard by: DeDra

Posted on March 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Judaism, Kids, MoMA, Moms, Movie Theaters, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Theater, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Twinks Are Kind Of an Intermediate Case, Honey

Little boy, looking at a replica of Michelangelo's David: Mommy, is that person naked?
Mother: Yes.
Little boy: Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?

–Arthur Ave, The Bronx

Posted on January 3, 2010
Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, The Bronx, Visual Art

Um, That's a Vase.

Gay man #1, pointing at Greek statue: What's that?
Gay man #2: I don't know, but it's got a great ass!

–Met Museum

Overheard by: Peed my pants

Posted on November 10, 2009
Ass, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, The Met, Upper East Side, Visual Art

Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?

–Mott Street

Overheard by: Erica

20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?

–Time Warner Center

Overheard by: sd

Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight… with my 11-inch cock!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Overheard by: Jenn B

Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?

–F Train

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Height, India Indians, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Street, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

…My Little Absurdist.

Mother: We're going across the park! The park is wet!
Two-year-old daughter: Where are we going?
Mother: To the Guggenheim museum. We're going to see art.
Two-year-old daughter: Noooooo.
Mother: You'll like it. Can you say “Kandinsky”?
Two-year-old daughter: Bounce bounce bounce!
Mother: Just look at the damn park.

–M86 Bus

Posted on October 18, 2009
Bus, Kids, Moms, Names, On the Bus, Parents, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Visual Art

Have a Cough Drop, Then

Excited mother to son, watching Egypt exhibit: Oh, look, honey, those are esophaguses!
Embarrassed father, whispering: Sarcophaguses.

–The Met

Overheard by: KeaKea

Posted on October 13, 2009
Body Parts, Boys, Dads, Families, History & Geography, Moms, Parents, Stupidity, The Met, Upper East Side, Visual Art, Words

Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Woman on cell: You know, if it weren't for you, I'd be naked right now!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Woman on cell: So I enrolled him in that clothing optional preschool…

–Midtown

Overheard by: My preschool wasn't like that!

Burly guy on cell: Do me a favor: when you get back to the shop… No, listen, when you get back to the shop, sit backwards on the bike and have him rev it up. Naked. You'll cum in three seconds. No, trust me, trust me. Alright? Love you, darlin'. Bye.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I want to ride my bicycle

Guy on cell: Alright, well, if I see you naked I'm probably gonna run away.

–15th & 8th

Girl, looking at nude painting: Finally, a woman with pubes!

–MoMA

Posted on September 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Cum, Elementary & Middle School, Girls, Guys, Hair, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Nudity, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Street, Time, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

It's a Cruel, Cruel Mid-century Modern Dystopia!

Older woman, examining furniture on sidewalk: Look at this! This is a nice art deco bureau.
Older man: Well, Elaine, this is not a nice art deco world!

–Carroll St., Park Slope

Overheard by: Holly Martins

Posted on August 6, 2009
Beauty, Comebacks, Old People, Park Slope, Visual Art

No Wednesday One-Liner in the Champagne Room

Loud woman on cell: And then he had the nerve to ask me if it was cause he's black! I was like, "it's not cause you're black, it's cause you slept with that stripper!"

–Starbucks

Midwestern grandmother, seeing granddaughter play on subway: She's working on her pole dancing, just like her mother.

–E Train

Young Asian guy, telling stripper what he does for a living: Do you even know what a hedge fund is?

–Strip Club, Queens

Thug to girlfriend, pointing at totem pole in museum: You know what those be? Fancy stripper poles! (makes techno music noise with his mouth)

–Museum of Natural History

Blonde chick on cell: Oh my god, Mike, just fuck her and get over yourself, I really don't care! (hangs up, to friend) I don't understand why my boyfriend keeps calling me asking me if it would break my heart if he slept with the stripper we met at the bar on Saturday.

–NYU

Overheard by: i wish i had me a girl like that

Serious, tired, cute guy on cell: So you remember the stripper that has been hassling me? Well, I went out with her and her girlfriend on Tuesday, and stuff got out of hand… really out of hand–like Budapest out of hand! (pause) I don't know, but I woke up in fucking New York City!

–Penn Station

Posted on August 5, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Bars & Clubs, Biotechs, Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Dating, Families, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Infidelity, Kids, Midwesterners, Money & Class, Museum of Natural History, NYU, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Queens, Questions, Race, Relationships, Sex, Starbucks, Strippers, Stupidity, Thugs, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Visual Art