Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!

–Flushing

Overheard by: Zee

Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.

–Maiden & William

Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."

–Wall St

Overheard by: Tamcakes

Posted on December 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fashion, Gender issues, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Excessive Violence of Wednesday One-liners

Suit: All right, here’s my analysis. We are going to take Steve and put him in the middle of Times Square and set him on fire.

–Nassau & Wall

Posted on November 29, 2014
One-liners, Suits, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

“Do You Ever Get That Not-So-Wednesday-One-Liner Feeling?”

Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.

–Deli, Brooklyn

Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.

–Tribeca

Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: T.J.

Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.

–Outside Puck Fair

Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?

Posted on November 28, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

It’s Not You, It’s Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to friends: They broke up… He was only in the relationship for the free Nike gear anyway.

–Stone St.

Overheard by: Jen

Hipster dude: So Jane* is coming to the studio tonight to do some recording. Should I have her do it and then break up with her, or break up with her first and then have her do it?

–F Train

Overheard by: dianora

13-year-old girl on cell: What? You broke up with him? That’s so cruel! Um, can I date him?

–Thompson Street, The Village

Excited teen girl: This would be a great place to break up with some people!

–8th St Park

Girl on cell: They broke up? I always thought that them breaking up was like a joke, like saying you don’t like Brussels sprouts when you secretly do, but you just say it because it’s the first yucky vegetable that comes to your mind. But hey, that’s great!

–Outside the Frick Museum

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Guy, yelling from third story fire escape: Sarah! Sarah Whitlock! Don’t leave me! She meant nothing to me! Come back… Please! (pause) Okay, but I’m keeping the deposit!

–E 4th Street

Overheard by: Nima Shirazi

Posted on November 17, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Free stuff!, Friends, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, Museums, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Shoes, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

These Wednesday One-Liners Have Wings

Queer, as someone is trying to push through the crowd: Throw menstrual blood at him! That’s the one thing girls can do to get back at guys! Throw menstrual blood at him!

–Roseland Ballroom

Dad to pre-teen daughter about mom: She is on the rag today. Don’t talk to her this moringing, she’s got an attitude.

–R Train

Girl: I have sexed my period away too!

–Bowery

Businesswoman: So yeah, it still really hurts. I guess it’s cause I got my period last night… [Sees a disgusted look on a male suit’s face.] Blood! Blood! Raaar!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Withnail

Posted on November 17, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Blood & bleeding, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Women

“Oh…Then, want me to check your prostate?”

Guy #1: Do you have a light?
Guy #2: I don’t think you should smoke, this is a cancer walk.
Guy #1: Yes, but it’s not for lung cancer.

–South Street Seaport

Posted on November 10, 2014
Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Smokers & Smoking, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

I'm All, “Haven't We Covered That, Ally McBeenthere?”

Lady: I hate it when lawyers ask the same questions twice.
Clerk: Yeah, I know.
Lady: No matter how you rephrase it, the answer is still the same.
Clerk, laughing: Yeah.
Lady: I tell you: book smart, a little dense.

–Court Building, Centre St

Posted on November 2, 2014
Clerks, Gripes, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Still Giggle When They Say “Stimulus Package”

Mother to preschool-aged child: That's the New York Stock Exchange. That's where we lose all our money.

–Outside NYSE

Overheard by: Angel

Man to four-shoe-pair-buying wife: It's people like you who confuse the economists.

–Macy's

Toll booth operator to chick in car during rush hour: So, what's your take on the economy these days?

–Verrazano Bridge

Young dudes, watching suits take Queens train at 9 am: Oooh! They got fired.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Only in Brooklyn

Posted on October 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Clerks, Couples, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

Why Puppies Need Social Workers

Sassy black lady to a dog on a leash connected to a man lounging in a chair: Oh you’re just precious! You are a good looking puppy! She’s beautiful!
Man in chair (matter-of-factly): I’m so drunk.

–Water & Fulton

Overheard by: Angie

Posted on October 29, 2014
Black People, Compliments, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Men, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, We Love Our Pets, Women

He Spent All His Money on Cigars

Hobo: Can you spare a cigarette? I know you have one. My friend was a commodities trader, and he taught me all about Wall Street. You must love those expensive cigars! [laughs]Suit: That’s amazing. Where’s your friend now?
Hobo: I don’t know. He’s homeless.

–Wall St

Overheard by: steven lowell

Posted on October 28, 2014
Hobos, Smokers & Smoking, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport