Old Russian cabbie: I'm George Bush.
Sleepy teen: Nice to meet you, Mr. President.
(cabbie looks satisfied and pulls away)
–Eugene O'Neill Theater
Young boy, pointing out the subway window at the Gowanus Canal: Look, mom, a lake!
Mom: That ain't no lake! That's where the dookie comes out!
–F Train
Overheard by: jenmarie
Random guy on street: You have a great day, beautiful lady.
Girl: Thank you.
Random guy on street: No, not you. Her! (points to the girl behind her)
–Waverly Place & 6th Ave
Tourist trying to get through the turnstile with a credit card: Didn't this work last time?
Tourist friend: Try my Visa, maybe yours is expired.
–Bryant Park Station
Overheard by: casey
Suit on Bluetooth headset: You just lie on the ground and squeal like a pig!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Justin
Chick on cell: A theatrical fashion show of people in assless pleather chaps and pig masks…
–W 26th St b/w 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Ladle
Hipster chick: I love bulldogs; they're like little alien piglets.
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Sorority girl, walking dog, to friend: Didn't you have a pig you could squeeze and make poop come out?
–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Professor: Your mother is a pigfucker. Now, I hope you don't all go home and cry because I said that.
–Brooklyn College
Guy on cell: I'm walking to my room from breakfast. Then I'm going to take a dump. Then I'm going downstairs.
–Hallway, Marriott Courtyard Hotel
Barista walking in, to no one in particular: Unfortunately, I'm here.
–Starbucks, Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Robert
Lost tourist: We are stuck here in the middle of Times Square!
–Rockefeller Center
NYU girl on phone: Hello? No. No, I can't meet you. Because I'm lost. I'm lost in the West Village. You know how the streets there get weird? I have no idea where I am. I've been wandering around for hours and I don't know if I'll ever make it back, ever! No, don't try to find me, I haven't seen any street signs in ages. Okay, see you tomorrow…maybe not.
–Union Square
Loud black drag queen yelling into cell: Bitch, don't play with me! I know where you at!
(pause) Where you at?
–34th St & 8th Ave
Ghetto girl: Hmm, I know what a peanut is, but what a walnut is?
–147th & Broadway
Man on cell: It's quite possible that my left nut is bigger than my right nut.
–82nd & Broadway
Girlfriend to boyfriend: So that's why Yoda sounds like busting a nut!
–Ave A & 6th St
Guy to friend: I've been bitten in the nuts by two different Scottish Terriers.
–7th Ave b/w 24th & 25th
Overheard by: Carmen
Guy on cell: I'm just like an anorexic. Every time they look in the mirror, they think "I'm not skinny enough," but I look in the mirror and think "these pants aren't tight enough," even though everyone tells me they can see my nuts.
–L Train
Woman to friend: Childbirth is just really bad menstrual cramps, that's all!
–Varick St
Overheard by: Cool Breeze
Woman to toddler: Put the rest of the money back in the tampon box.
–14th St Subway Station
Overheard by: alex
Girl crossing street to friend: And then I had my period for a month!
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Wondering what kind of birth control she's on
30-something woman on cell: He said he didn't care, and pulled the tampon out of me.
–Bedford Ave & N 8th St
Overheard by: tamphex twin
Girl to guy: I thought I smelled alcohol, but it was just my menstruation.
–N Train
Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.
–9th & 21st, Chelsea
Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.
–72nd & Central Park West
Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.
–Staten Island Barber Shop
Overheard by: Snewsboy
Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.
–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…
Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.
–Old Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: datura0001
Guy at party: I'm known for my creepy hugs.
–16th St & Union Square
Overheard by: Kitty
Hobo: Okay, you know the drill. I'm hungry, give me money so I can buy breakfast.
(nobody does) Alright, if you don't want to give any money, if you're reasonably attractive, hug a brotha! That works too.
–F Train
Panhandler: Any little bit helps, folks. Pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters. If you don't have any money this morning and you're, like, really attractive, you can just give me a big hug and rub up on me a little bit, and we'll call it even.
–F Train
Overheard by: kdice
Woman's voice on public announcement system: You want me to hug you?
–Port Authority
Ghetto Latina, seeing MTA worker hug crying bag lady: Shit, I'm from the Bronx, born and raised, and I ain't never seen no subway man be giving out free hugs. I seen shouting matches, I seen drug deals, I seen fist fights, but I ain't never seen no free hugs in a subway station. That's some fuckin dedication right there.
–59th St. Subway Station
Overheard by: slc boy
Subway panhandler: If you don't have any food, but you do happen to be, like, incredibly good looking, I do accept hugs. (middle aged man with L.L.Bean backpack smiles and holds his arms open invitingly) I'll have to give you a raincheck on that one, sir.
–F Train
Overheard by: linda
