Wednesday One-Liners Won't Go to Brooklyn to Eat

Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…

–Amsterdam & 112th

Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.

–84th & 2nd

Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!

–Grand Central

Posted on February 8, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Colors, Columbia University, Death, Directions, Film, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Pepperoni Dreams

Three policemen are talking to a man inside Two Boots Pizza behind the security gate and locked front door, 9 am Sunday morning.

Cop: How did you get in here?
Man: I woke up here in the middle of the night!
Cop: Do you work here?
Man: No!

–Avenue A

Posted on February 7, 2015
Cops, Men, Talking/Convos, Time, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

…Are You in Heat Again?

Girl in back of crowd: Meow!
Boy in front of crowd: Meredith!? Is that you!?

–Astor Place

Posted on February 7, 2015
Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

May I Assume Your Request for a Slice Was Purely Pretextual?

Bag lady: You got some change so I can get a slice?
Girl: I just bought this Stromboli and I won't eat it. You want it?
Bag lady: What is it?
Girl: It's kinda like pizza.
Bag lady, looking at Stromboli: Nah.

–81st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lolita

Posted on February 7, 2015
Bag ladies, Girls, Homeless, Offers and requests, Pizza, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Al-Qaeda: Hmmm…

Mother to son, as he exits camel ride: Were you scared?
Son: The part that was scariest was the germs.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: mully

Posted on February 6, 2015
Boys, Fears, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Moms, Questions, The Bronx, Threats, Tourist Attractions, Weirdness

Behind the Scenes With Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!

–54th b/w Madison & 5th

Overheard by: Pedro

Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.

–W Train

Overheard by: Bethany

Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.

–54th & 5th

Overheard by: GP

Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.

–6 Train

Overheard by: lauren

Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.

–37th & 7th

Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.

–116th & Broadway

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Just Wait 'Til You Have Wednesday One-Liners Of Your Own!

Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!

–C Train

Overheard by: Julie S.

Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rachel

Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.

–6th Ave & 47th

Overheard by: thanks mom

Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!

–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn

Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.

–University Pl & 8th St

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on February 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Today's Little Red-Haired Girl Would Be All Over Charlie Brown

Six-year-old girl: I'm hot.
Babysitter: I know, it's really hot out.
Six-year-old girl, jumping up and down: No, I'm *hot*, like sexy hot!

–74th St & West End

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Posted on February 5, 2015
Horny, Kids, Nurses, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Weirdness, Words

New Abstinence Campaign Ad

Woman #1: My tummy is too full.
Woman #2: My vagina hurts when I walk.

–Outside Tao, 58th & Madison

Overheard by: Huh?

Posted on February 4, 2015
Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

And I Have the T-Shirt to Prove It!

Teenage lesbian: Yes you are, you're the weirdest person I ever met. You think I'm going to invite other people over when we already have plans, and you masturbate even when you get no sexual enjoyment out of it!
Teenage lesbian friend: I am not a fapper!

–W 59th St & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: that must be terrible

Posted on February 3, 2015
Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Masturbation, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Weirdness

…Are You in Heat Again?

And I Have the T-Shirt to Prove It!