Wednesday One-Liners, Cracked but Not Broken

Large woman attempting to sit down: Y'all better slide down, cause my ass is wide!

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: squished

Limping black hobo to preppy white male: Maaaaan…what's that got to do with wiping yo' ass?

–10th Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Middle aged man to daughter: Come on, let's go look for baby bottle butt!

–H Mart

Professor: I got excited because another man touched my ass in public!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Haven't we all?

Seated man to mom letting her child run around restaurant: Your daughter just put her hand in my butt crack.

–Park Slope

Posted on May 27, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Asshole, Black People, Cleanliness, Dads, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fordham, Grocery Stores, Height, Hobos, Horny, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Poop, Preppies, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

Girls Are Actually More About the Dew Point

Tall awkward white dude: So you mean to tell me you never question your sexuality?
Girl, shaking her head slowly: No.
Tall awkward white dude: I mean, it's not like it's conscience. It's like a barometer thing: when you meet someone, you just respond.

–7 Train

Posted on May 19, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Sexuality, Weirdness, White People

You Were Supposed to Learn That In, Like, Kindergarten

White teenage girl to friends: I have two Asian cousins.
Friend: Why?
White teenage girl: Because Asians like Italian pussy, that's why.

–22nd St & Lexington Ave

Posted on May 14, 2009
Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Race, Teens, Vagina, White People

Wednesday One-Liners: Because You're Worth It.

Girl: I can't decide if I should wear my hair up or down. (friend nods) I mean, you know when you have to make, like…decisions?

–Bathroom, Columbia University

Very white middle-school boy, yelling to friends: He say yo' momma got a cheap-ass weave!

–87th & Lexington

Girl with huge curly hair: You see I, ugh…randomly wake up reaching up to feel, and see if my hair is still there. Then my subconscious is like "wait! Am I breathing?" Oh yes. I'm breathing!

–Chat N Chew Restaurant

Young teen guy to girlfriend: You see, I got hairline issues. You know, 'cuz when you get older, your hair follicles increase and your hair is less. I'm not used to my hair. It used to be here (points to his forehead), but now it's here. (points to the same place on his forehead) I got hairline issues.

–4 Ttrain

Overheard by: Megz

Nanny, adjusting ward's ponytail: If I fall, I'm taking your hair with me.

–5 Train

Posted on May 6, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girlfriends, Girls, Hair, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Teens, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

When You Unwittingly Help a Tourist, We All Lose Out

Chubby Mideastern white tourist: Hey! Is this Houston Street?
Thug: I've had enough of you tourists! One more of this Hooostin Street shit and I'mma bust a cap in yo Midwestern fat asses!
Husband of Mideastern white tourist: I'm guessing it is.

–Houston Street

Posted on May 5, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Ass, Couples, Directions, Insults, Midwesterners, Only in New York, Questions, Street, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, White People

Ever Seen a Big Rawhide Chew?

Asian chick: I was looking for dog toys.
White chick: And how'd you get from that to vibrators?

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Saaaandwich?

Posted on April 25, 2009
Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Bring Their B Game

Sketchy guy to hot girl: Hey, baby girl, I like takin' long walks through the projects, sittin' on a park bench eatin' French fries… (she walks away) Hey baby, come back!

–Christopher & 7th

Guy to girl walking down the street: Hey you…I wanna get on your bus.

–125th b/w Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Reilly

Big dude to hot girl: Hey girl, come talk to me for a minute. (she stays still) C'mon girl, chubby thugs need love too.

–Franklin Ave & Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn

Black thug to white girls: I'm Barack Obama's cousin, wanna go on a date? (they pass) That's gonna be my new pickup line, yo.

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Guy, as a curvy woman struts past him: Shake what yo momma gave you…not what yo momma paid for!

–Shuttle Train

Overheard by: Meredith

Seton Hall jock, leering at female in next seat: Wow, this ticket has more holes in it than I've ever seen before!

–NJ Transit

Drunk guy to girl on subway platform, after Yankees game: I'm a classy guy! I will take you to the fucking Radisson!

–Yankee Stadium Subway Platform

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Boob Job, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jocks, Junk Food & Fast Food, Love, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, President, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yankee Stadium

Not Clay Aiken.

Black thug to friend: Yo, everyone's Irish on St. Patrick's day.
Drunk white girl: Is everyone black on Martin Luther King day?

–5th Ave & 49th St

Posted on April 12, 2009
Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Race, Thugs, White People

We Can Be Each Others' Funhouse Mirrors

White ginger head: You're the only one who can get in touch with my feelings.
Black girl: Yeah, we're like sisters.
White ginger head: You break down my emotions.
Black girl: I think we're in love.

–137th & Convent

Overheard by: Lovers can be Friends

Posted on March 22, 2009
Black People, Friendship, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Love, White People

Let's Chip in and Get Wednesday One-Liners a GPS for Christmas

Confused American: I used to think Atlantic City was in Atlantic State.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: MBS

Drunk guy: I don't understand why people are giving Sarah Palin so much grief over that Russia thing. It really *is* pretty close to Alaska.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Anti-McCain dude to another: Man, Sarah Palin is crazy. Yo, she's just crazy. Why did John McCain even pick her? She's not even an American citizen, she's Alaskan!

–The Bronx

Nervous white lady: Um, is the Broadway/Lafayette stop coming up soon?

–Uptown 1 Train

UPS guy to lost tourists: I'm not a GPS! I'm the UPS!

–Prince & Lafayette

Overheard by: dee

Posted on March 18, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazy, Democrats, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Politics, Public Transportation, Questions, Soho, Street, Stupidity, The Bronx, Tourism, Tourists, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

White People