Wednesday One-Liners Have a Big Endowment

Girl: We can't become gay just to fit in at this school!

–NYU

Passer-by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.

–NYU, Tisch

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.

–NYU Dorm

NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I'm a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??

–8th & University

Overheard by: Melissa Perez

Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who's going to judge me? There's like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.

–Tisch Hall, NYU

Mother, pushing crying two-year-old in stroller: They're never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!

–NYU Admissions

Overheard by: Sam

Posted on November 3, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Crying, Drinks, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, NYU, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Race, School and studying, Should've Used a Condom, Strangers, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I’ll Have My Girl Call, Well, You

Well-dressed woman: So, we should have a threesome…
Well-dressed man: Yes, probably…

–10th & 3rd

Posted on October 25, 2022
Men, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday Still Remember When You Could One-Liner in Bars

Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?

–Prince St

Overheard by: Kristen W.

Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.

–British Airways Flight to Heathrow

Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: voluptuousgrl

Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.

–4 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Christine

Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.

–Intermission, Rent

Posted on October 18, 2022
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Flight Attendants, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Men, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, Panhandling, Prostitution, Public Transportation, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Dude, You'd Steal the One-Liners Off a Wednesday

One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls' shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he'd go steal it for me. That's what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM

Posted on October 17, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Couples, Drugs, Drunks, Friends, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Prison, Shoes, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Thievery, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Don’t Ever Dare a New Yorker to Do Anything

Woman: If you don’t stop hitting the fucking brakes like that, I’m gonna throw up all over the back of your cab.
Cab driver: Oh yeah? Go right ahead, lady!

She did.

–Cab, 34th & Lexington

Overheard by: Her friend, who was also kicked out of the cab

Posted on October 15, 2022
Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Illness, Women

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound Of Wednesday One-Liners

Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."

–Union Square

Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…

–L Train

Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!

–Metro-North Rail

Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"

–51st St & Park Ave

Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!

–NYU Dorm

Posted on October 4, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Fat People, Friends, Insults, Kids, Laughter, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Puerto Ricans, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

So I'm Good 'til the Year 3000

Black woman #1: When is the silicon going to dry?
Black woman #2: It's in bags. In my boobs. Dumb bitch.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lacy

Posted on October 3, 2022
Black People, Boob Job, Health and Hygiene, Insults, On the Subway, Rack, Women

… Ma’am

Lady: Contrary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teaching you manners.
Man: Fuck you.

–33rd & Park

Overheard by: Erik

Posted on October 1, 2022
Assholes, Columbia, Women

Mixing Vodka and Lotion

Woman: You have everything?
Man, looking at suitcase and opening box: I think that's it.
Woman: What's in this box?
Man: It's my life. You know: vodka and lotion.
Woman: And toothpaste! Where'd you get that funny toothpaste?

–Elevator, Upper West Side

Overheard by: Along for the ride

Posted on September 7, 2022
Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Men, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Women