Elevator operator: What floor, please?
Old lady: Home, James.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Elevator operator: What floor, please?
Old lady: Home, James.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: ianbobian
Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I'm like "you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!"
–60th St & Broadway
Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you're going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Really!?!?
Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you're done entertaining the fake Jews.
–Cafe, Church & Walker
Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I'd have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?
–Hester & Mott
Overheard by: Jensel
Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!
–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center
Overheard by: G-Lime
A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.
–Forham University
Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!
–A Train
Overheard by: Don
Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.
–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem
Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.
–1250 Broadway
Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!
–44th & Lexington
Old woman: You had an audition today?
Young woman: Yeah, for the Jerry Springer show. I sang ‘Mama Smacked Me on the Asshole.’
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: Jen
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that's English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated."
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Woman #1: How many potatoes should I get? Like, three?
Woman #2, shrieking: Three? Three?! Are you serious? Have you seen your husband lately?
Woman #1, confused: Four?
Woman #1: He eats more than I eat in a year! He's huge! You'll need at least fifteen potatoes!
Woman #2: Yeah, I guess you're right.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Sarah
Girl: Oh my gosh! You know what would be awesome? If lightning struck you, and you like got a permanent tan.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Glynnis
Woman: These invitations are really important! I mean, not only am I turning 40, but it’s a year to the day that I almost died!
–Staples, Union Square
Little girl: Hey Mom, there are dead people here too!
–X1 bus
Irish guy: Oh, what people don’t realize is that the Indians are
everywhere. They’re sprinkled around everywhere.
–First Prince Copy Center, Prince Street
Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a sense of your aura.” I mean really, they don’t let you get on a plane if your aura is bad?
Businesswoman #2: Wow, I guess so. Airport security is getting really tight these days.
Businesswoman #1: Seriously.
–50th & 7th
Overheard by: Arielle
Middle-aged woman: So, is she, like, skinny pregnant?
Friend: Yes, she looks like a model.
Middle-aged woman: Good, there is just no excuse to gain weight during pregnancy.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: except for having a baby inside of you?
