Iraq Did the Same Thing, and Look at Them

Black woman: You’re my lawyer! Ain’t it your fucking job to take care of shit like this?! All you white people, controlling everything–you’re all incompetent! Fuckin’ white people!
White attorney: Sandra*, please calm down.
Black woman: Fuckin’ white people!
White attorney: Ma’am, speaking as a white person who happens to hold $379,000 of your money in escrow, may I suggest you stop cursing at us and calm down before I get up and take your checks with me?
Black woman: I will not calm down!!

White attorney gets up and leaves the room.

Woman’s husband: See what you did? You done upset the white man. I ain’t got no problem wit you cursin’ at crackahs, but why you gotta go and piss off the white man who got all our money?

–54th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Amused white intern

Posted on September 5, 2006
Anger Management, Assholes, Black People, Ghetto Chicks, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, White People, Women

Retail Therapy Soothes Even the Most Troubled Upper East Side Soul

Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn’t know him at all…This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can’t even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I’m getting it in blue.

–Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: DC

Posted on September 3, 2006
Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Ladies Who Lunch, Money & Class, Retail Therapy, Store, Upper East Side, Women

The AKC’S New Slogan

Park employee: Look, lady, if you want to have your dog off leash, you can bring it in after nine o’clock at night.
Upper-East-Side lady: Oh, that’s a great idea. I’ll just bring my dog into Central Park after nine…and get raped!
Park employee: What good is a dog if it can’t stop you from getting raped?

–Central Park, 85th St

Posted on September 2, 2006
Blue-collar workers, Central Park, Man's Best Friend, Rape, Rich people, Talking/Convos, Women

Looking at Him Made Her Nave Tingle

Middle-Aged lady: …then she started going to church and got pregnant.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: not mine

Posted on August 28, 2006
Christianity, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Should've Used a Condom, Women

Meaning She Already Has the Perfect Place to Conceive, Deliver, and Eventually Raise It

Woman #1: Why don’t you get a child of your own?
Woman #2: Girl, I already gots a car.

–Century 21, Cortlandt St

Posted on August 27, 2006
Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Comebacks, Kids, Questions, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Enter a Persistent Vegetative State

Hipster on cell: Yo, eggplant can be vegetarian, right?

–77th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Anonymous Ambivore

Middle-Aged woman: Damn vegetarians, always trying to take over the world.

–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Emaline

Girl: Are bums allowed to be vegetarian?

–Chipotle, 6th Ave between 21st & 22nd

Overheard by: Rabid-Panda

Guy: She’s vegetarian?! I thought she was an alcoholic?

–B7 bus

Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.

–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Constintina

Shoeshine man to group of young people: It ain’t natural. Our bodies, they have the hormones to digest meat. If we were like a goat–and not to insult you, miss, ’cause you’re prettier than a goat–but then that’s okay that we don’t eat meat. But we ain’t. We’re carnivores. If you’re a vegetarian, you gotta listen to your body. It’s tellin’ you: “Meat me!” You know, like, “Meat me!”

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: jacqmander

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Vegetarian & Vegan, Williamsburg, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Think ‘Un’ Is Also a Kind of Faithful

Ghetto guy: She know she got a man, but she’ll still gimme some. She know that!

–7 train

Young woman, screaming at young man: I dare you to fuck someone else again! I dare you!… You better not fuck anyone else! You better not!

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station, Brooklyn

Queer on cell: Since when has your gaping hole decided to be faithful to your boyfriend?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Keith

Walking VD: When I first met you seven months ago I was kinda in another relationship. But now that that’s over, wanna get back in bed?

–32nd & 7th

Cop: So I’m fucking his wife for 6 years, and now he complains!

–238th & Broadway

Overheard by: Miriam

Posted on August 23, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Cops, Dating, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Manhattan, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, The Bronx, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Women

Probably a Sufficient Interim Explanation

Man to wife: …and I said, “What are you: a crackhead?!”
Young daughter: What’s a crackhead, Daddy?
Man: It’s someone that slipped and cracked their head.

Strung-out hobo walks by, asking for change.

Man: See, honey. He’s a crackhead.

–E Fordham Rd & Lorillard Pl, the Bronx