Women

No Wednesday One-Liner, No Love

50-something beefy man in wife beater on cell: Yo! I've got a bag of condoms and Jolly Ranchers!

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Funky Monkey

Preppy girl to friend on phone: I mean… I've had to take Plan B twice this week already!

–2nd Ave & 9th

Drunken street vendor: Buy these Obama condoms! Flavored with hope, they'll get you through "hard" times!

–Times Square

Woman on cell: I got home to take a shower and he stuffs a bunch of condoms in his pocket right in front of me and then walks out the door. I mean what the hell is that?

–Astor Place

Man to woman on escalator: Well, just next time, remember to use protection!

–Babies"R"Us, Union Square

Overheard by: miziz

Would You Like Me to Speak More Slowly?

40-something woman in sweatpants: I don't believe in genealogy.
40-something woman with backpack: Huh?!

–52nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: CK//DDG

If It's a Pick-Up Artist, You're in Luck!

Tall guy in crowded silent elevator: Everyone going to the Robert Mann gallery? (after no response, to attractive woman next to him) So, where are you from?
Woman: Rwanda.
Man: Oh, I don't actually know anyone from Rwanda, but I've spoken to some people from there.
Woman, politely: Oh. Where are you from?
Man, ignoring question: So, do you have family back there?
Woman: No, they were all killed in the genocide.
Man: I'm terribly sorry about that. So, what have you come to see?

–Art Building, 11th Ave & 24th St

Overheard by: andrew a

It's Like They're Being Shot Out Of a Giant Canadian Cannon Aimed Toward Me

Guy, standing with two women: So of course, now every woman that comes my way is from… (nods, waits for women to finish his sentence)
Women: Newfoundland!
Guy: Right!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: not a newf

Still Another Difference Between Men and Women

Man: I need a job.
Woman: I need a lot of things. I need a boyfriend, I need more money, I need a tan, and I need to lose 30 pounds
Man: Yeah… I just need a job.

–57th & Madison

Do Girls Ever Wednesday One-Liner?

Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!

–7th Ave & 25th St

Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!

–L Train

Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!

–Deli

Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…

30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!

–Ave B & 3rd St

Overheard by: Mike

Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.

–Astoria

Overheard by: David

Okay, So It May Have Been a Lawyer.

Woman #1: Kate and I saw a snake walking down State Street yesterday!
Man: What?
Woman #2: Wait… walking?

–Central Park

Overheard by: A snake? Really?

“Ah. The Hillary Clinton concealer, then.”

Counter lady #1: Do I have something on my face?
Counter lady #2: Yeah. Evilness.

–Cafe 212, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ariz

Oh, It’s Just Neurotoxins? Whew!

Young woman #1: We are getting to the age where we are gonna start to need us some Botox.
Young woman #2: I ain’t puttin’ no cow urine in my face!
Young woman #1: Ummm, it is not cow urine.
Young woman #2: Oh, yeah, I mean horse.

–McDonald’s, Clark St

Some Houses Are Easier to Flip Than Others

Woman leaving K-Mart: What the hell smells like piss?
(hobo with cart full of belongings begins to walk towards her and almost hits her)
Woman: You better watch where you pushing your fucking house!

–K-Mart

Overheard by: I love NYC!

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