What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)?

Russian woman to fat guy (after he yelled at her): Escooz me, cood you please poot your ass out of ze vindow so I can seet? (fat guy remains seated)

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert

Gay: Your ass looks great! Have you started bottoming?

–Christopher St Pier

Young kid: 14th Street, like her ass on my face.

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Pza

20-something gay suit: My butt always causes friction.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Sorority hungover girl talking about birth: I came out ass first, isn't that typical?

–Denny's

Guy to chick: We will use your ass as a presentational ass.

–Weight Room, Coles Gym

Overheard by: Ladle

Teen girl to friend: I feel like my butt just came off. You ever feel like that?

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Alison

Posted on September 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Elevators, Fitness, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Queer guys, Queers, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

Pop Quiz: Which One's Using “Sandwich” As a Euphemism?

Hipster #1: Every time I sleep with your mom she makes me half a sandwich.
Hipster #2: She makes me a low-fat sandwich.
Hipster #1: A half a sandwich is a low-fat sandwich.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Quarter Sandwhich

Posted on September 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Hipsters, Parents, Sex, Union Square and East Village, Words

Laugh While You Can, Stupid Americans! Oh, Sorry…

Arabic professor: “Qadam” means foot. How do you say more than one foot?
Male student: Feet.
(class laughs)
Arabic professor: In Arabic.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Krisztina

Posted on September 23, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fordham, Guys, Languages, Questions, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Words

We're on the Verge of a Liberal Education Here

Student #1: What does “NB” stand for, at the end?
Student #2: Tuberculosis.
Student #1: That's “TB”, idiot.

–Newman Vertical Campus, Baruch College

Overheard by: I thought that stood for TELLYtuBBies!

Posted on September 22, 2008
College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Illness, Insults, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Students, Words

What Men Think Women Talk About All Day

Girl: I really like your Uggs.
Other girl: I like my jugs too.

–Forever 21, Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: i like them too

Posted on September 21, 2008
Compliments, Default, Girls, Nipples, Penn Station, Shoes, Store, Words

I'm LMAO at You Pozrs

Teen (speaking excitedly to friends): Supposedly there's a tornado in the city!
Random suit: Like o-m-g!
Teen: Like w-t-f!

–7th Ave

Posted on September 20, 2008
Default, Languages, Manhattan, Suits, Teens, Weather, Words

Wait'll You See My Passenger Pigeon Underpants!

Stupid girl: I really like your scarf.
Other girl: Thanks! It's wool and bunny fur.
Stupid girl: Animal killer!
Other girl: No, I think they shave them.
Stupid girl: Oh.
Other girl: Yeah, and it's houndstooth, so I really like it.
Stupid girl: How many animals do you have in there?

–Elevator, 41st & 3rd

Posted on September 19, 2008
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Compliments, Default, Elevators, Girls, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Words

Unless It's a Miniature Camera

Hysterical girl: Ohmigod, look at that cockroach! That's so gross, you can see its shell!
Calm friend: Cockroaches don't have shells.
Hysterical girl: Yes they do, look at it!
Calm friend: That's an exoskeleton, asshole.

–Locker Room, H.S. 625

Overheard by: She's right you know

Posted on September 18, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Insects, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Sneak Big Shampoo Into Their Carry-Ons

Pilot: We haven't been cleared for landing yet, so we're just going to have to fly around for about 30 minutes. We have about 45 minutes worth of fuel left, so we should be okay.

–Flight into LaGuardia

Overheard by: Andrea

TSA representative to man punching the beeping metal detector: Sir, I don't think that you understand how this works, but you are not supposed to punch the machine when it beeps.

–JFK

Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen of the jur… We'll be coming around to serve refreshments shortly.

–JFK to Burbank

Overheard by: Bella

Pilot: I would like to apologize for the long delay and I am happy to announce that we will shortly be making our way over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go in Louisville. Our flux capacitor is up and running and once this baby hits 188 miles per hour you'd better hold on tight.

–LaGuardia Airport

Pilot: So, is everyone excited to go to Honolulu?

–JFK Flight to San Francisco

Overheard by: that would be nice, though…