Hysterical girl: Ohmigod, look at that cockroach! That's so gross, you can see its shell!
Calm friend: Cockroaches don't have shells.
Hysterical girl: Yes they do, look at it!
Calm friend: That's an exoskeleton, asshole.
–Locker Room, H.S. 625
Overheard by: She's right you know
Pilot: We haven't been cleared for landing yet, so we're just going to have to fly around for about 30 minutes. We have about 45 minutes worth of fuel left, so we should be okay.
–Flight into LaGuardia
Overheard by: Andrea
TSA representative to man punching the beeping metal detector: Sir, I don't think that you understand how this works, but you are not supposed to punch the machine when it beeps.
–JFK
Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen of the jur… We'll be coming around to serve refreshments shortly.
–JFK to Burbank
Overheard by: Bella
Pilot: I would like to apologize for the long delay and I am happy to announce that we will shortly be making our way over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go in Louisville. Our flux capacitor is up and running and once this baby hits 188 miles per hour you'd better hold on tight.
–LaGuardia Airport
Pilot: So, is everyone excited to go to Honolulu?
–JFK Flight to San Francisco
Overheard by: that would be nice, though…
Ghetto guy: Fuck no! That nigga's soft as cotton.
–Union Square
Black guy: Yo nigga, I called this nigga and said "Yo nigga."
–59th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Satch
Random old black guy sitting alone on steps: Nigga who, nigga what, nigga where, nigga what?
–2nd ave and 8th st
Overheard by: evanescent
Chinese kid to another: Do I look pussy to you, nigga?
–Sunset Park, Brooklyn
White thug on cell: What? You can't call me nigga, you're white!
–Beverley Road & Ocean Parkway
White guy to Dominican guy: Yo, you look like the kinda nigga who gets bitches. Where they at?
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Benny the boo
Woman #1: So, how are you holding up?
Woman #2: You know, doing the best I can, using the five senses.
Woman #1: There's six senses.
Woman #2: No there's five: walking, talking, breathing, reading and writing.
Woman #1: What about seeing?
Woman #2: Well yeah, there's also fire, wood, air, and water; but I don't know why they don't count those.
–B68 Bus
Girl: I'm all jacked up on Mello Yello!
Guy: Oh yeah? Well, I'm the rug-master!
–E Train
Tourist #1: Oh, I think this is that famous intersection.
Tourist #2: Is it?
Tourist #1: Yeah, this is it.
–Times Square
High school girl: On the internet, Nike will let you put your name on some dunks.
High school boy: They gonna let you put “hooker” on their shoe?
High school girl (pissed): I told you that ain't my name!
–W. 72nd Station
Man #1: How about Jack the Horse?
Man #2: Jack the horse. Wait, Jack the Horse?
Man #1: Uhhhh…
Man #2: Jack like the verb? No way dude, not eating there.
–Jack the Horse Restaurant, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: avoid the hollandaise sauce
Man #1: You have kids?
Man #2: Yeah, four sons. All boys.
–Penn Station
Woman leaving train to suit with open fly: (inaudible)
Suit (loudly): What is “the barn door is open?” What is that supposed to mean?
–6 Train
