Woman: This is a nice building.
Man: Andy Warhol was shot on the sixth floor.
Woman: Nice!
–33 Union Square West
Woman: This is a nice building.
Man: Andy Warhol was shot on the sixth floor.
Woman: Nice!
–33 Union Square West
Professor, matter of factly: In next week’s film you will see a cock. And it will ejaculate. I hope that’s okay with you all.
–Cantor Film Center, NYU
Professor: I guess I can’t trust you guys to write papers on something scandalous. Good thing I brought a pornographic film for later.
–Manhattan Campus, Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Norma Desmond
Contracts professor: So do you think Paris Hilton is a sucker?
–Brooklyn Law School
Professor to class, as he writes on board: …Moro Islamic Liberation Front, known for its acronym. [A few students get it and laugh.]
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Krisztina one of the first to laugh
Professor: On this index card I’d like you all to write your name and major, as well as your career fantasies. I say career fantasies because when you graduate I’ll see you paying off your loans working at the kwik-e-mart.
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Erum
Korean professor: Here’s how you calculate the intercept shit…
–NYU
English professor: You will find that English critical theory is the key to understanding not only literary perspectives, but also everything on YouTube.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: sromeo
Guido: If Mike Rowe died and you were there… Like if he died from natural causes and just went to sleep and died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Hmm, I mean, I don’t know, I’d have to like take a peek.
Guido: You mean you’d look at it?
Bitch: Yeah, maybe touch it.
Guido: But would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Roberto! It wouldn’t be hard!
Guido: But what if he got hard and then died… Would you have sex with him?
Bitch: Maybe, but like why do I need to do that when I can just… You know… Ohh nevermind.
Guido: Oohh because you’ll be doing all the work anyway? You could just buy a blow up doll.
Bitch: Exactly, so why do I need to hump Mike Rowe’s dead body?
–6 Train
Overheard by: wet willy
Actor/giants fan: Tom Coughlin loves Sienfeld, and so they took Seinfeld off the air in Wisconsin! Can you believe that?
Anthony Rapp: Seinfeld is for white people.
–Theatre, 43rd & 8th
Professor: Wow, you looked so tough! Like Michael Jackson in “Beat it”!
Male student: … That wasn’t tough.
Professor: Exactly!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Loli/Angie
Ghetto kid at a carnival: Man, that wasn’t no clown. That was just someone dressed like a clown!
–P.S. 218, The Bronx
Overheard by: Children are the future
Fourteen-year-old black girl to friend: You should have thrown a brick at a clown and seen the blood. You would have loved that.
–7th Ave Street Fair, Park Slope
Overheard by: send in the clowns
Little girl, pointing at obvious pimp: Look mommy, look! A clown!
–Brooklyn
Janitor to clown post-show: Everybody loves clowns. Even Bill Gates!
–Barnum & Bailey Circus
Slightly crazed looking man to well-dressed blonde chick: For $300 you’ll get a clown and a playboy bunny!
–E4th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: I might consider paying up
Gal #1: So, we’re having a Heath Ledger retrospective this weekend – 10
Things, Knight’s Tale and Brokeback Mountain.
Gal #2: Problem -those first two annoy me and the third one made my butt hurt.
Gal #1: Eww! Wow. I can’t believe that’s all you took away from that movie!
Gal #2: Oh, no, it was from the chair… Not the butt sex…
–Columbus Circle
Elegant lady on cell: I’m a powerful influence on the Kennedys.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Fat black man to white man who breaks his umbrella while trying to help him open it: Aw, hells no. Don’t make me go all Britney Spears on yo’ ass.
–Duane Reade, 57th & Broadway
Chick, to guy: Danny Pintauro hit on you at a leather club?
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ladle
Professor to class: … The ark of the covenant gone, only to be found by Harrison Ford later on.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Krisztina
Barista to meathead: … That’s the thing about Drew Bledsoe. He smokes a lot of marijuana.
–11th & Bedford
NYU girl: I want to be Patrick Dempsey! So I could fuck myself!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Maya G.
Suit on cell: Dude, you’re dating Sigourney Weaver? Right now? Dude, are you kissing her? Are you grabbing her ass? Does she still have an ass at this point?
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken
Queer #1: That guy’s kinda cute.
Queer #2: Dude, that’s a dyke…there’s a whole contingent of dykes that strive for the Tom-Cruise-from-Top-Gun look.
–10th St & Ave A
Overheard by: paulie
Man: I’m getting kind of sick of Will Ferrell.
Woman: Well, he’s kind of an asshole…and he has bad teeth.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Ethan
