Old lady #1: The exterminator. He’s an extremely nice man. Isn’t he a nice man?
Old lady #2: Yes, he was very nice.
Old lady #1: We should hire him more often.
Old lady #2: Oh, you’re so bad.
–B61 bus
Overheard by: aspiring old lady
Old lady #1: The exterminator. He’s an extremely nice man. Isn’t he a nice man?
Old lady #2: Yes, he was very nice.
Old lady #1: We should hire him more often.
Old lady #2: Oh, you’re so bad.
–B61 bus
Overheard by: aspiring old lady
Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuckable hair! Fuckable hair!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?
–52nd St & 6th Ave
Ghetto woman to another: Why he be mooning everyone with that hairy ass?
–53rd & Lexington
Overheard by: tommy a
Man to friend: I'm Mexican, man; I was *born* with a mustache.
–Grand & Orchard
Girl, enunciatively: I support chest hair!
–Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: DI
Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)
–Metro-North, Harlem
Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop
Mook #1: We should get some eight balls.
Mook #2: Ape balls? Like gorilla balls?
–Mulberry & Spring
Mother: Honey, your dress is just too low. I know you don’t mean to, but when you wear things that show that much of you, you attract the wrong kind of men.
Scary Mexican man sitting across: Oh honey, you definitely do.
(girl hastily pulls her dress up)
–1 Train
Overheard by: Anna
Girl #1: His back was so hairy! His back hair was like thick curls!
Girl #2: Ew! Ew! Ugh, whatever. It’s a good thing he dumped you. At least you don’t have to deal with that.
Girl #1: Ah, yes, I was dumped by the yeti. Fuckin’ fantastic.
–Library, Columbia University
Conductor: This is the 3:07 off peak train to Huntington. Stopping at Woodside, Jamaica, New Hyde Park…blah, blah, blah, you get the idea. Watch the gap. (clicks microphone off)
–LIRR
Conductor: There's a 2 express train right across the platform. Ready, set, go!
–1 Train
Conductor: There's a Brighton Beach-bound b train across the platform. Say that three times fast.
–F Train
Overheard by: Thom Cohen
Conductor: Ladies and gentleman, I have a very important announcement: this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I repeat, this is not the last helicopter out of Saigon. There will be another train after this one, and another one after that.
–Downtown 2 Train
Train conductor: This message is for the young man who stepped to the edge of the platform at the front of the train. This train feels no pain, this train has no brain. How about you?
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Guitarbuyer
Bus driver: This is East 18th Street. If you get off here, you'll be at the q train faster. If you choose to not use your god-given walking ability, the q train is next.
–B11 Bus
Overheard by: not using her god given walking ability
Conductor: This is 96th Street. Next stop, 103rd. Everyone ready? And away we go!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ali
Homegirl on cell: You live in Staten Island, that’s too close to the wilderness, near the border. I am not emotionally ready to meet you in Staten Island.
–LIRR
Suit: He’s from Staten Island. That my Graceland.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: The Sock
Asian chick: What is that fruit called? Durian? That thing stinks so bad! It stinks like Staten Island bad!
–G Train
Overheard by: paco
Girl #1: In how many stops do we get off?
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]
–Staten Island Ferry
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is South Ferry. From there, you can go to the wonderful Battery Park, go see the beautiful Statue of Liberty… Or go to Staten Island.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Smarlow
Old White man: I have never seen a mother treat a child in such a way.
Latina mother: Dude. You don’t even want to fuck around with a crazy bitch from the Bronx.
–4/5 train
Overheard by: Taryn
