Dad: … Should have hit him — you don’t just let someone just step on your hand like that…
Four-year-old: Da-aaad! It was an accident.
–Heckscher Playground
Overheard by: Clarity Burntime
Dad: … Should have hit him — you don’t just let someone just step on your hand like that…
Four-year-old: Da-aaad! It was an accident.
–Heckscher Playground
Overheard by: Clarity Burntime
Fat lady coworker: Okay, see you tomorrow.
Thin lady coworker: Okay. Remember, tonight, what are you going to have?
Fat coworker: A salad.
Thin coworker: Right, a salad. Or something light. I like grilled chicken.
Fat coworker: Okay, right.
Thin coworker: I’m going to ask you tomorrow what you had, okay?
Fat coworker: Sure.
Thin coworker: You know I’m just trying to help, right?
Fat coworker: Uh-huh.
–Barnes & Noble, 6th Ave & W 8th St
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Cabbie: So, you and your husband are looking for property?
Chick: No, he’s just my boyfriend. We live together.
Cabbie: That is not good. You have to leash your camel tight or else they run away. Run away fast.
–Cab
Overheard by: Friend of Unmarried Gal
Tourist fighting his way off the train: Look, people. You actually have to let us out of the train before you can get on.
Old guy: This is New York, son. A simple ‘Fuck you’ will do.
–Metro, 53rd & Lex
Ana #1: Yeah, I felt so good because all I ate for a month was lemon juice, cayenne pepper, and maple syrup.
Ana #2: Oh, really? But I’m afraid of being on a diet without protein!
Ana #1: Don’t worry, the maple syrup is full of protein!
–Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Girl #1: Go plant your seeds in another garden.
Girl #2: But I like him, he’s my tree.
Girl #3: That tree belongs to someone else — he’s already been peed on!
Girl #2: But I peed on him first!
–44th & Broadway
Woman #1: Have you tried Lichido?
Woman #2: Is that a new kind of karate or something?
Woman #1: It’s a liquor.
Woman #2: Don’t you mean ‘kicker’?
Woman #1: Why do I talk to you?
–Astor Wines & Spirits, Astor Pl
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Conductor: All doors are created equal. Please use all available doors.
–4 train
Overheard by: Maggie
Conductor, at 34th St: Stand clear of the closing doors, please. [At 42nd St] Yo, stand clear the doors. [At 50th St] Yo, stand clear the bloody doors. [At 7th Ave] Yo, I ain’t playin’! Stand clear the fuckin’ doors!
–E train
Conductor: Listen, folks. I’m paid by the hour, so I can wait here all day. But if you want to get home, please get those idiots blocking the doors the hell inside the car. Thank you.
–3 train
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this is High Street. The next stop is Broadway-Nassau. Stand clear of the closing doors. You the maaan!
–C train
Overheard by: The Man
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, doors don’t hold people! People hold doors.
–R train
Conductor to woman who jammed her stroller into the subway doors: That was unbelievable. You are unbelievable. You just used a baby to hold open the doors.
–3 train, 14th St
Overheard by: clarence rosario
Dude #1: You have to make a decision — between the girls you want to fuck, the girls you want to kill, and the girls you want to marry.
Dude #2: Yeah…
–East Houston
