All Wednesday One-Liners

Grey’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl talking to another girl: I like rectal physiology.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: no need to take her to a movie

Fireman, mocking drunk voice and crazy walking: Where are my kneecaps? Has anyone seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go?

–Times Square

Overheard by: jacki

Man on street talking seriously to friend: And then the lady’s head fell into the toilet bowl.

–White St & W. Broadway

Overheard by: I would have loved to hear the ending of this story..

Guy: It would be better if we could see our own bodies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this!

–Entering the Bodies Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freezing their asses off!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Not High, Kumar

Woman at next table: Well, I only get cold sores on my nose.

–The Mermaid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th

Wednesday One-Liners. Aw, Snnnap!

Jungian: Let’s be honest: everyone knows he has the personality of an air conditioner.

–39th & Madison

Overheard by: Emily

Queer, looking at hordes of tourists: It’s times like this I wish I carried a taser.

–33rd St

Overheard by: jackattack

Ghetto girl: He smell like a sanitation truck. You know how when a sanitation truck drives by and it just smells nasty? Yeah, he like 8 trucks in a row!

–R train, 23rd St

Overheard by: Sue

Sarcastic hipster: Wow, that girl over there is a great artist. She did a fantastic job of drawing her eyebrows on her face.

–Brooklyn bound L train

College kid: Tourists are kinda like retards; I want to help, but I just never seem to.

–44th & 5th

Overheard by: David

Guy on headset: I don’t want no broke ass bitches. She couldn’t even rub two crackers together.

–Bleecker & Carmine

Ghetto waitress: Ugh. Table 9 has had so much work done on her face. Too bad she still look busted.

–Sarabeth’s East, 92nd & Madison

Overheard by: Dan

Our Wednesday One-Liners, Ourselves

Woman conductor: Take all of your personal belongings and all parts of your body as you leave the train.

–Brooklyn-bound D train

Bronx woman: I do not have ‘cheeseburger’ written on my forehead.

–Parkchester, Bronx

Overheard by: walking too fast to hear more

20-something girl to woman praying with legs wide open: When I move over it’s so your warm thighs aren’t pressed up against mine.

–Downtown A train

Overheard by: lisa l.

Chick: So then he slammed my infected eyebrow right into his crotch. It was terrific!

–Theater, 1st Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

British guy to girlfriend: Can I have your tongue?

–Scruffy Duffy’s, 8th Ave

Skinny 20-something: My head swung like a pendulum… I had a brain injury, but it’s okay because the part of the brain that got injured — the doctors are unsure of its function.

–7 train

Overheard by: Holy Crap!

Middle-aged guy lunching with female companions: So… Do you know if there’s any other organs on my body that could grow teeth?

–Sushi Samba, West Village

What's “Wednesday One-Liner,” Anyway?

Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal?

–51st St & Lexington

Overheard by: jake-e

Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: I guess not a normal person

Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal.

–Hunter College

Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person.

–Museum of Natural History

Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Wednesday One-liners for the Holidays

Guy: If I ever beat my kids during Christmas, this is the song I’d play.

–Ulysses, Pearl Street

Overheard by: Dennis Sugrue

Wednesday One-Liners Ignore the Bloody Hand

Little old lady to little old hubby: Fuck you, Dick, I am not crossing against the light! I can’t do it. Fuck you!

–Houston & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Almost peed on myself from laughing

Little tourist to mom: We are jaywalking, yay!

–Outside Sak’s

Overheard by: also jaywalking

Guy on cell: … So it’s fucked up, nights in the city. Everyone jaywalks, and they all wear black… Shit, good point! Blacks! … Yeah, you get a black guy wearing black, jaywalking — that’s a perfect storm of trouble! … I dunno, but I bet it has something to do with why insurance is so high…

–Broadway & Bleecker

Two guys cross street on ‘Don’t walk’ signal as car is coming.

Traffic cop: Hit ’em! Hit ’em!

–35th & 5th

Overheard by: mike

Loud grandma tourist blocking crosswalk: What’s the matter with these people?! Why are they crossing the street? Can’t they see the ‘No crossing’ sign? Where do they think they’re going?

–Times Square

Tourist woman to crowd of pedestrians: No, don’t cross! Here comes the big red hand!

–51st & 5th

Overheard by: Micaela

The Wednesday One-liners Red Eye

Stewardess lady: If there is a sudden change in cabin pressure, a mask compartment above your seat will open automatically. If this happens, quickly reach for the nearest mask and pull it down firmly. Continue to breathe normally. If you are travelling with a small child, or someone who acts like a small child, please secure your mask and then assist them.

–JFK

Overheard by: Amy

Wednesday One-Liners Are Shameless Pecker Checkers

Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pasty

Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out.

–Roc Restaurant

Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge!

–St. Andrews Bar

Overheard by: allimax

Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch!

–Near Manhattan Mall

Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick.

–Hanover & Water

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door.

–4 Train

Overheard by: jessie

Wednesday One-liners for the Thespians

Girl on cell: No…Well yes, you can call me back, just not between the hours of 8 and 10PM…Why do you think? It’s Jack Bauer Power Hour!….Uh, times 2. It’s going to be motherfucking terrorist-kicking time. That whispering bad ass mofo is going to be going on strong tonight for 2 hours. Praise Jebus!…Bam! Pop! Pow! Jacky should be the father of my children. I will however totally call you directly after the show.

–1st Avenue & 5th Street

Acute Case of Wednesday One-Liners

Female coworker to another: You look so cute! I didn’t recognize you!

–Hudson & Vandam

Buff man carrying small, pink, frilly umbrella: I better not hear anyone call me cute.

–Canal & Mulberry

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Chick on cell: Mom, cute is a puppy dog. Cute is an Anne Geddes photo. Cute is not a 25-year-old guy fluent in sarcasm. Stop trying to set me up with him.

–Hudson St

Woman looking at Salvador Dali painting: That is so cute!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Does she kill puppies for fun?

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