I'm Too Sexy for My Wednesday One-Liners.

Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!

–Broadway

Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.

–Broadway & Spring

20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.

–Q Train

Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!

–Neptune Ave

Overheard by: taylor

Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.

–Centre St

Posted on December 21, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Creepsters, Flyer people, Food, Girls, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nostalgia, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Soho, Stab, Strangers, Street, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

It Won’t Work If It’s Just a Picture of a Toad

Club dude: May I ask you why you’re licking your handstamp?
Drunk teen guy: I wasn’t. They stamped me twice, and I had something in my tongue.

–The Knitting Factory, Leonard Street

Posted on December 20, 2018
Body Parts, Clubs, Comebacks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Guys, Questions, Security Guards, Teens, Weirdness

You There– Stop Texting at Once!

Woman #1: I noticed last night you had your nails done.
Woman #2: I hope I didn’t hurt you.
Woman #1: We just have to be careful not to stretch anything.
Woman #2: Let’s call Jimmy next time, he’s great from a directive point of view.
Woman #1: I wonder if anyone’s listening to this conversation…

–A Train

Posted on December 18, 2018
Body Parts, Default, Fears, On the Subway, Weirdness, Women

Bonding with the Homeless (NYC Short Stories)

A hobo tells a woman: If you’re ever in trouble, come to this place, yell out my name, and I’ll protect you with my guns.

He holds up both his vodka bottles.

–World Trade Center E station

Overheard by: Ting

A hobo takes his shoes off. The woman sitting next to him gets up with a disgusted look on her face and moves to another seat. The hobo massages his bare feet and shouts to her: Yeah, well your sister is the opposite of um, uh, hot!

–E train

Overheard by: Jeni Aron

Posted on December 6, 2018
Body Parts, Drinking & Drunk People, Hobos, On the Subway

Meet Katrina Levy

Drunk girl #1: I have so many beads.
Drunk girl #2: Stop showing your tits!
Drunk girl #1: I can’t!

–Mars 2112 ladies’ room, 51st & Broadway

Overheard by: Lauren Lerner

Posted on December 5, 2018
Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Drinking & Drunk People, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

I Dig Chicks With Mustaches

Russian girl to hipster: What's wrong with your hair?
Hipster: I dunno, what's wrong with your face?
Russian girl: (silence)
Hipster: So, what's your name?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Himani

Posted on December 2, 2018
Body Parts, Girls, Hair, Hipsters, Names, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions

All My Cowfriends Have It

Girl #1: It's called “foot and mouth disease,” isn't that gross? I so don't want to get that!
Girl #2: Ewww! What is it?
Girl #1: I don't know, but it sounds disgusting!

–M Train

Overheard by: Dara

Posted on November 30, 2018
Body Parts, Girls, Illness, On the Subway, Wishes & desires

Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.

–Uptown 6 train

Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.

–NYU

Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds

Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.

–Washington Heights

Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!

–115th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Berry