Club dude: May I ask you why you’re licking your handstamp?
Drunk teen guy: I wasn’t. They stamped me twice, and I had something in my tongue.
–The Knitting Factory, Leonard Street
Club dude: May I ask you why you’re licking your handstamp?
Drunk teen guy: I wasn’t. They stamped me twice, and I had something in my tongue.
–The Knitting Factory, Leonard Street
Woman #1: I noticed last night you had your nails done.
Woman #2: I hope I didn’t hurt you.
Woman #1: We just have to be careful not to stretch anything.
Woman #2: Let’s call Jimmy next time, he’s great from a directive point of view.
Woman #1: I wonder if anyone’s listening to this conversation…
–A Train
A hobo tells a woman: If you’re ever in trouble, come to this place, yell out my name, and I’ll protect you with my guns.
He holds up both his vodka bottles.
–World Trade Center E station
Overheard by: Ting
A hobo takes his shoes off. The woman sitting next to him gets up with a disgusted look on her face and moves to another seat. The hobo massages his bare feet and shouts to her: Yeah, well your sister is the opposite of um, uh, hot!
–E train
Overheard by: Jeni Aron
Drunk girl #1: I have so many beads.
Drunk girl #2: Stop showing your tits!
Drunk girl #1: I can’t!
–Mars 2112 ladies’ room, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
Russian girl to hipster: What's wrong with your hair?
Hipster: I dunno, what's wrong with your face?
Russian girl: (silence)
Hipster: So, what's your name?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Himani
Girl #1: It's called “foot and mouth disease,” isn't that gross? I so don't want to get that!
Girl #2: Ewww! What is it?
Girl #1: I don't know, but it sounds disgusting!
–M Train
Overheard by: Dara
Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!
–8th Ave & W 55th St
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.
–Uptown 6 train
Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.
–NYU
Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds
Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?
–43rd & Lex
Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.
–Washington Heights
Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
–115th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Berry
Anorexic JAP on cell: …No money, so I stopped dating him.
Hobo: Whore.
Anorexic JAP, to hobo: Excuse me?
Hobo: Nice thighs — have another doughnut.
–East Village
Drunk #1: That girl’s got legs up to her lunchbox.
Drunk #2: Yeah, but there ain’t a lot of protein on them bones.
–Fred’s Bar, South Bronx
Conductor: You keep holdin’ those doors open, I’ll put this train out of service, then you’ll be walkin’ home!
[Several minutes later, a man is still trying to open the doors with his foot.]Passenger: Yo! Somebody please cut that man’s foot off!
–G Train
Overheard by: Johnny Salami
