Wednesday A1 Liners

Crazy hobo: Taco Bell is outta meat. Taco Bell… Is outta meat. I ask for a taco, they say, "We outta meat." What the fuck!? How you run outta meat at Taco Bell? You don't see me runnin' outta weed! Shit. Taco Bell is outta meat.

–Wendy's, 14th Street

Overheard by: Zack

Curious teenage girl: What is that on the floor? Ew! I hate when people leave bags of meat on the subway!

–R Train

Jewish lawyer, answering his desk phone: Weinstein's house of kosher pork. How may I direct your call?

–Newsroom, Midtown

Preppy teen: I am like, a total whore for salami.

–280th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: casayoto

Woman on cell talking about her upcoming weekend: Mah husband's gone, my kids is gone, I'm jus' goin' lie on the floor and eat some baloney. Mmm hmm. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Das' right. I'm gonna eat some baloney, and some cheese?-I'm goin' make myself a baloney sandwich.

–4th St Station

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Ethnic Food, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Jews, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lawyers, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Preppies, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Going Through a Dry Spell

50-year-old female crackhead hobo chasing a 30-year-old male post office worker: Why won't you fuck me? Come fuck me! Are you too scared to fuck me?!

–50th St & 5th Ave

Man talking to stranger outside peep show: No, no, no. This is a peep show. If you want to fuck someone, you have to go somewhere else.

–8th Ave, Midtown

Horny NYU hipster: I haven't had sex in 3 months! If I were a heroin addict I'd have been clean for 2 months already!

–NYU

Loud middle-aged woman on cell: And I was like, "Don't worry, lady, I'm not getting any action!"

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: the libbernator

Old man to old lady: No, I will not bonk you!

–Avenue J & E 12 St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Druggies, Heroin, Hipsters, Hobos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Stuyvesant Town, Time, Weirdness, Women

But That Expert on Oprah Swore It Would Help Me Gain Friends

Well-dressed woman to friend: And I just felt so self-conscious without my toenails.
Friend: Yeah…

–54th & Broadway

Posted on August 12, 2008
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Women

All Ten Seasons of Friends, in a Nutshell

Guy: Rachel! You're so stupid!
Rachel: I'm not stupid! I'm just sexy.

–5th Ave

Posted on August 11, 2008
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Manhattan, Physical appearance, Words

Or the Key to the Lock-Box Containing It, Anyway

Chick #1: Let's have a baby together.
Chick #2: Let's do it. Which one of us is going to have it?
Chick #1: You are.
Chick #2: Why me?
Chick #1: Because I have the dick.

–Party, 6th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: hooked up with her the night before

Posted on August 11, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Offers and requests, Park Slope, Penis, Weirdness

The Subtle Difference Between Being a Lawyer and Being an I-Banker

Dude #1: You know, you're a real dick.
Dude #2: (nods)
Dude #1: But you're a dick like an asshole, not a dick like a cock.
Dude #2: Yeah?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on August 10, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Penis, Words

Where Brooke Hogan Got That Controversial Opinion

Gay guy: Pelosi is sooo emasculating. That's why no one will vote for a female president. Because then they won't have a penis. Except for the women, I mean.
Girl: Huh???

–NYU

Overheard by: Dale

Posted on August 10, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Gender issues, Girls, NYU, Penis, Politics, President, Queer guys

Oh Look, There's the Three-Headed Dog!

Tourist husband, as train stops: 14th Street.
Tourist wife, smiling delightedly: Exactly like it says on the map!

–A Train

Overheard by: Theresa

Posted on August 10, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Default, Directions, On the Subway, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

Just Form an Orderly Line–No Pushing

Gay friend: Yeah right, I'm sure it's not that good.
Girl (loudly): Ohmigod, my sex is so that good. (to passengers) Who wants to try?
(silence)

–F train

Overheard by: definitely not me

Posted on August 10, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Sex, Weirdness

Like That It's Possible to Get Thin by Eating Chocolate?

Guy giving out Kellogg's Special K chocolate bars: Free cereal bars! Free cereal bars!
Hobo (to Kellogg's guy): Hey, why isn't anyone giving me any money? They all be paying attention to you!
Kellogg's guy: Because I'm giving out free candy. You're giving out lies.

–Outside Penn Station

Posted on August 10, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Compare/Contrast, Default, Food, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Penn Station

Compare/Contrast