What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?

Gluttony

Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Sam

Lust

Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore…

–5th Ave & 12th St

Greed

Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe

Sloth

Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now?

–L Train

Wrath

Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.

–Brooklyn College Library

Envy

Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!

–Bleecker & Spring

Pride

Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!

–Battery Park

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Battery Park, Beauty, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Cashiers, Clothing, Compliments, Dads, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Ethnic Food, Fashion, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Happiness, Hipsters, Insults, Library, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Promiscuity, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Threats, Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Women

And Hungry

Hipster boy: Are you a vegetarian?
Hipster girl: No.
Hipster boy: You look like you could be, and I mean that as a compliment. It means you look hip.

–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: aryn

Posted on September 14, 2009
Compliments, Hipsters, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan

Dad's Heavy Into Semi-Intelligent Design

Woman to teen girl: Where did you get those fabulous blue eyes?
Brown-eyed dad: From her mother.
Woman: But blue eyes are recessive.
Brown-eyed dad: You have no idea what a bitch her mother is.

–City Hall Park

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on September 12, 2009
Beauty, Body Parts, Compliments, Dads, Insults, Parents, Parks, Questions, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Alice Serves As Narrator on the Q43

Old lady on bus noticing woman outside running trying to get the bus!
(bus driver stops and picks woman up)
Old lady to woman as she walks by her on the bus: See that? It's because you're good looking!

–Q43 Bus, Queens

Posted on September 8, 2009
Beauty, Bus, Compliments, Old People, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Queens, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for Tara Reid

Girl on cell: I'll adopt it, the state gives you money for retarded kids.

–48th & 6th

Guy to friend, disdainfully: And she's always like, "I work with Down syndrome kids," at… computer camp or some shit.

–4th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Shannon

Girl: I think he is sexually retarded.

–5th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Abdul Marcos

Glitzed up Jersey girl to friends: I look so good right now, it's retarded.

–Ladies Room, Penn Station

Older man on cell: My dog has one of those retard vests, he can get into any restaurant in New York.

–W 23rd St & 6th Ave

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Computer, Friends, Girls, Government, Guys, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Retardation, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Fannypacks and Re-fold Their Maps

Hyper tourist to friend: Wow! A shoe repair shop? Can we go? Please? Come on, don't you have some shoes you want shined?

–74th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

Enlightened tourist: Oh! So Broadway's not just one place? It's a series of buildings? Oh, I see!

–46th & Broadway

Tourist woman walking off Brooklyn Bridge: Wow, look at how nice this is! I can't believe we paid only $24 for it!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: D-Law

Tourist to another: There are so many yellow cars in New York City.

–42nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Lisa

Tourist: Not until high school did I know buses could make turns!

–E Train

Overheard by: Probably had to repeat a few grades

Tourist exiting subway: Did anyone lose a pass? Because I just found one.

–103rd & Broadway

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Shoes, Shopping, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Translation: “I'd Like You to Blow Me.”

Red-headed boy: I like your nose.
Brunette girl: Okay.
Red-headed boy: It's like “ah! I'm a nose!”

–R Train

Posted on August 8, 2009
Body Parts, Boys, Compliments, Girls, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Stupidity

A Septic Tank, but Still

20-something girl #1: Yeah, a guy's not so much a lady-killer when he drops the phrase “your boobs are so awesome!” without a hint of irony.
20-something girl #2: That's nothing. I once had a guy tell me my vagina was like a tank.
20-something girl #1, laughing: Are you serious?

–NJ Transit

Posted on August 1, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Girls, Laughter, Rack, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Weirdness

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln

Posted on July 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Clothing, Compliments, Friends, Gossip, Happiness, Jews, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Shoes, Sorority Girls, Street, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Compliments