Cirrhosis of the Wednesday One-Liners

Hot chick dragging male companion: But you’ll like it this time, you were drunk yesterday…

–19th & 8th

Disheveled homeless woman: Fuck that shit! I’m looking for a real drunk!

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Mike

Man on bike, swerving down street: Look out, get out of the way! Drunk driver coming through!

–Washington Square East and Washington Place

Overheard by: Out of the way!

Appreciative preppy girl: Even though he’s a thug and a drunk, he’s a real intellectual.

–Art Fair at the Armory

Overheard by: Gina Beavers

Drunk guy about to chug: This reminds me of middle school. Got to get the 40 down before second period!

–Stan’s, Bronx

Young woman on cell: No, I do not need to get drunk more often, stop saying that mom!

–Union Square

Overheard by: McCrum

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Parents, Preppies, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires, Women

We’re Bringin’ Wednesday One-Liners Back

African tourist: All New Yorkers are sexy! That’s why I love this city. Everywhere I go, sexy. The cops, the people…

–Broadway & Chambers St.

Metro newspaper guy: Hey sexy man, take a metro and be a lot sexier!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Dora Watson

Loud freshman boy, entering cafeteria with more freshmen: And she pinched my nipple, but it was sexy!

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Overheard by: Kris S.

Student commenting on a painting of Mary and Jesus by Raphael: In this painting Mary has a little more of a…I don’t know, sexual aura. Her face is more narrow, I can kind of see her breast. She has her leg bent in a sexy way kind of like saying "I’m not a virgin anymore".

–Columbia University Art Humanities Class

Overheard by: Going to Hell

Skanky mom to three-year-old son: Hey sexy!

–Central Park

Overheard by: riana

Businesswoman to another: Who’s your sexy hoe?

–33rd St & Park

Tween girl with science textbook: You don’t understand cloning? Okay, let me tell you about it. It’s sexy as hell… [later] I stayed after class to get him to teach me about meiosis and it was really hot. I got so horny!

–F Train

Posted on May 21, 2008
Advice, Africans, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Education, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Students, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Tweens, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women, Words

The Good News: You Can Do Pretty Much Anything on the Subway Without the Locals Giving a Shit

Young college girl #1: So she said to do Kegel exercises when you are on the subway.
Young college girl #2: That makes sense. When you’re on the subway no one knows you are doing them!
Young college girl #3: [tries to wrap legs over head] Is this how you do them? Wait, aren’t they supposed to make you tighter?

–E Train

Overheard by: I do them at work

Posted on May 20, 2008
Default, Education, Fitness, Friends, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Sorority Girls

Then You’ll Pass That Chemistry Test for Sure!

Adolescent son to father: I’m worried about the essay section.
Father: Just BS it and you’ll be fine. If you’re like me you should be pretty good at BS-ing. Just write something like: “The current political situation in blah blah really makes me contemplate the mysteries of life.”

–1 Train

Overheard by: bildita

Posted on May 13, 2008
Advice, Boys, Dads, Default, Education, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Teens

The Music Sucks Though

Flamboyant black guy #1: That’s what I love about being gay. All these bitches be loving on me so I get them to do my homework.
Flamboyant black guy #2: True.

–Washington Square North

Posted on May 12, 2008
Black People, Default, Education, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Guys, Love, Queer guys, Washington Square Park

Give Her a Couple of Years, Diaghilev

Four-year-old, walking with father: I can spell “Ma-ma”.
Father, to himself: Bitch didn’t teach her how to spell my name, did she?

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on May 8, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Education, Insults, Kids, Parents, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

A Thousand Pardons, Your Ladyship

English teacher: So, have you ever gone with your class to The Met?
Bimbette art student: I don’t do things.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt (ashamed to be an art student)

Posted on May 2, 2008
Bimbettes, College, Default, Education, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Wednesday One-Liners?

Little boy: But I was really excited for her to get a hernia!

–35th & 6th

Overheard by: alix

Eleven-year-old boy, to classmate that he just hit with a ball representing "responsibility": Oooooooo!!! You just got pounded in the face with responsibility!!!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Their Proud Counselor

Ten-year-old girl, about figures: Why do they all have to be boys?

–Bodies: The Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Robert

Young child crossing the street while holding his mothers hand: [Singing] Please… Don’t… Enter me.

–70th St & Columbus

Little boy: It’s not illegal to jiggle.

–6th & 17th

Preschooler to daddy: Can I get that three hundred dollars now?

–UES

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Education, Friendship, Gender issues, Girls, Illness, Kids, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Questions, Singing, Tweens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

Education