Girl on cell drinking frozen lemonade: No, mom. The frozen lemonade is not going to be my dinner. I'm going to go home and make myself something healthy. Love you! (hangs up)
Friend: Is that gonna be your dinner?
Girl: No! I'm gonna go home and make…
Friend: I love how honest you are with your parents.
Girl, interrupting: Some motherfuckin' nachos.
–86th & 5th
Bro #1: It's a nice night out tonight.
Bro #2: Yeah.
Bro #1: I'm sorry your fiance died.
Bro #2: Thanks, dude.
–Bowery
Overheard by: Little Mac Monster Attack
Girl sitting with friends listening to music: Ohmigod, the guy who sings this song is sooooooo ugly!
Friend: Really?
Girl: My family said I look like him.
–Central Park
Drunk girl, seeing dog: Oh my god! That is the cutest cat I've ever seen!
Drunk friends, nodding: Yes!
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alyssa
Hot law student: But then she was like, “but he's gay?”
Less pretty friend: No way!
Hot law student: I know, so I just laughed and said my boyfriend's defo not gay.
Man on next table: I don't mean to be rude, but if you're always like this I can see why he would be, I'm thinking of interior decorating as we speak.
Hot law student, whispering to friend: Obviously a closet.
–Tavern on the Green, Central Park
20-something woman on cell: So I'm like, "Be a man and go in the ladies' room!"
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: tycho anomaly
40-something suit on cell: Why do I have to be the girl?
–University Place & 14th St
Overheard by: rich
Meathead: To the point where the hottest women in Thailand are men. But I mean, no homo or anything.
–Uptown 5 Train
Overheard by: Can't vouch for this
Woman on cell: So yeah, men and women are different. Anyway…
–High Line Park
Overheard by: hudson williams-eynon
Guy, looking at friend's iPhone: Ugh, I really didn't need to see shemale penis today.
–99 Below Restaurant
Overheard by: Calvin SC
Fat chick to friends: And then he said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnell! (starts hysterically crying)
Friend #1: How? Like because you're funny?
Fat chick: No! Because I'm fat! (continues crying)
(man walking by bursts out laughing)
Friend #2: It's not funny!
Man walking away: Yes it is!
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jesse H.
Larger woman in elevator eating Snickers bar: No matter what I do, I can't lose no weight!
Less fat friend: Mm-hmm.
(elevator goes one floor up and stops. Both go to get off)
Suit #1: Unbelievable, no wonder you have weight issues.
Larger woman: What? 'scuse me? What you know about me?
Suit: Other than you are fat, can't take the stairs for one floor, and are stuffing your face with a king size Snickers?
Less fat friend: Shit, he do know you.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!
–27th & Lexington
Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!
–94th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Slapped her how?
Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!
–Murray St & Church St
Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…
–Houston & Allen
Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…
–Chinatown
Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.
–N Train
Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.
–Central Park
Overheard by: kate
Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.
–MegaBus, Top Deck
Overheard by: EuropanGal
20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.
–Macdougal & 4th
Overheard by: Billy H.
Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!
–Bryant Park
