Friends

Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"

–Central Park

Overheard by: Quella

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Women's Restroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Amber Star

Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

I Like to Think Of Them As Little Hugs from God

Girl putting mayonnaise on cheeseburger: Ugh, I'm gonna have a heart attack after this.
Friend eating Pierogis: Oh, I have heart attacks like, every day.

–Little Poland Restaurant

Overheard by: Adriana

It's a Different Kind Of Head Shop

Boys in group, walking past novelty shop: Booong! Booong! Booong!
Irate friend: That's not a bong, that's a dildo, dumbass!

–6th Ave & W 4th St

Overheard by: theincredilbong

…And I Wouldn't Have Thought “G-String” Was a Musical Term

Oblivious teenage girl: Are strip cubs illegal?
Less oblivious friend: Um, no. Why would you think that?
Oblivious teenage girl: Cuz while I was going out with Matt he said something about a strip club getting busted.
Less oblivious friend: You went out with Matt? You slut!
Oblivious teenage girl: No, if I was a slut I would have known whether strip clubs are illegal or not.

–Central Park

All the World's a Wednesday, and the People Merely One-Liners

20-something man, during West Side Story, when Tony climbs in bed with Maria: Get it, son!

–Palace Theatre

Old man, leaving theater after seeing Hair: I told you we should have seen Mary Poppins.

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: Leela

Girl, looking at a barricaded rally: Oh my god, it is so Les Miz up in here.

–48th St & 6th Ave

Long Island woman to friend, leaving the theater after Mary Poppins: That wasn't anything like the movie. The movie had cartoons, this was real people.

–Amsterdam Theater, 42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: MikeyMouse

Man to friend, during Waiting for Godot: Oh my god, you know what would make me really pissed? I'd be so angry if that Godot guy didn't show up at the end of the play.

–Studio 54

Woman to husband, during Waiting for Godot: Is this a musical?

–Studio 54

Overheard by: Hannah

Sometimes You Just Wanna Pinch Wednesday One-Liner's Cheeks

Gay guy: You know what's so cute, is Europe.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Anna P.

College girl to friend: And I'm like "No, you can't chew on the couch. You can't have couch for breakfast." (pause) But what about you, are there any cute guys in your dorm?

–Downtown 1 Train

Girl on phone: Oh-h-h-h my gawd, girl, you don't even know! And then he goes "Damn, girl you in Delta Gamma? Nothing goes down faster than an anchor!" And then I was just like "Shut up!" but I did it anyways, I mean… he was cute.

–Gates to Fordham University

Man on cell picking through garbage can and walking away with trash in hand: Oh my god, I just found the cutest belt in a trash can! Honestly, the things people throw away!

–118th St & Amsterdam Ave

Gay guy marching in protest to another: The guys in this protest are much cuter than at the last protest I attended.

–63rd St & Broadway

Fernando Is the Clear Favorite in the Unsolicited Comment Olympics

White girl to friend: I used to speak Spanish.
Hispanic man, passing by: You don't need to speak Spanish! This is America! “America” is a Spanish word! “America Vespucci”! Spanish! Pshhh!

–112th & Frederick Douglass Blvd

Overheard by: i speak spanish too…

Now She'll Spend Hours on the Fainting Couch and We'll Never Get Where We're Going!

Girl to guy, over walkie-talkie phone: Okay, I'm going to the bathroom and I'll be right down.
Friend: What happened to being ladylike and shit? Telling us she's going to the bathroom!

–125th St & Broadway

The Definitive NYC Punch Line– Along With “Vagina”

Asian girl: He's the kind of guy who sits at home drinking beer, plotting ways to date his cousins.
Friend: Well, maybe that's acceptable where he comes from. Isn't he from another country?
Asian girl: Jersey.

–22nd & 23rd

Overheard by: jack

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