Wednesday One-Liners Can't Do Much About the Adam's Apple

Brooklyn grandmother to another: My grandson is so different now that he's become a woman.

–4 Train

Middle aged man in binoculars on cell: Yeah! And just like that she threw me out! She kicked me out on my ass! She walked in and I was in her bra… and that was it!

–87th & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: GoneWithThe

Small black guy: Of course I'm a transvestite! Why else do you think it took you three guys to beat me up?

–W 36th St

Overheard by: Ellen

Twink to others: Sometimes you think a little boy is a child and then he turns out to be a much older woman.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Urch

Attractive blonde: And then the… transvestite beauty queen thing happened. You know?

–Middagh & Henry

Overheard by: Matty

Posted on December 18, 2014
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Black People, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Kids, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Trannies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness

Yet They Taste Completely Different

Queer #1: See that guy? I fucked him last night.
Queer #2: That stripper guy?
Queer #1: Yeah! Oh. No. Wait. That stripper is in my math class but they look a lot alike.

–The Hanger Bar, Christopher Street

Posted on December 13, 2014
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Gays and Lesbians, Queer guys, Strippers

Are You Ready to Accept Rosie O’Donnell as Your Personal Savior?

Lesbian #1: We should start worshipping Satan.
Lesbian #2: Yeah! I bet we could be the first lesbian church of Satan worshippers.
Lesbian #3: That is so hot.

–French Roast, 11th & 6th

Posted on December 10, 2014
Advice, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Offers and requests, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes

What Is Something Only Straight Guys Say, Alex?

Guy #1: Oh my god, they have ribbed ones.
Guy #2: And flavored. Shit, I got to get a flavored one.
Guy #1: Awesome, flavored condoms are awesome!
Guy #2: They are. They are freaking awesome!
(guy #1 notices man at urinal).
Guy #1: Dude, we’re not gay.

–O’Hanlon’s Bar, 14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Dude

Posted on December 8, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Condoms, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village

“Man Of Steel, Heels Of Helium”?

Conductor, over intercom: Conductor in the fifth car -are you top or bottom?
[well-built conductor walks through car to intercom to respond]Gay commuter, upon seeing him: Oooh, I hope he’s a bottom.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: MrStench

Posted on December 5, 2014
Default, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Subway conductors, Wishes & desires

Padma: “I Found the Tongue Bland and Uninspiring”

Girl: We're across the street from Padma Lakshmi's favorite pizza place. Too bad I've never seen her in it. Because I would probably accidentally kiss her or something.
Guy: With tongue.
Girl: Duh!

–18th & Lex

Posted on December 4, 2014
About Celebrities, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

But They All Watched Me Eat It, Which Was Weird

Girl: So I went over to their place and it was a bunch of super-flowery lesbians watching high school musical.
Guy: That sounds interesting.
Girl: Yeah, then they made me pork and beans, which was nice.

–M15 Bus

Posted on December 1, 2014
Compliments, Default, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, On the Bus, TV

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"

–Union Square

Posted on November 28, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dancing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Men, Myspace, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Tweens, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I’m Hoping to Experiment with Heterosexuality in College

Dude: Do you want to dance?
Chick: No, sorry, I have a boyfriend.
Dude: That’s okay, I’m gay.
Chick: Are you sure?
Dude: Am I sure? Yes! [Girl walks away.] Okay, fine, I’m not sure.

–Webster Hall, NYU

Posted on November 23, 2014
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, NYU, Pick-up Lines

As Kind of a “Welcome to the Neighborhood”

Hispanic guy to tall guy passing by: Pssst!
(tall guy turns head without stopping)
Tall guy: No, thanks. (keeps walking and Hispanic guy starts following him)
Hispanic guy: Psssssst!
(tall guy stops at door, opens it)
Hispanic guy: Oh, you live here. I live over there. Why don't you let me suck your dick?

–35th & 9th

Overheard by: Brad

Posted on November 20, 2014
BJs, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Queer guys, Weirdness

Gays and Lesbians

“Man Of Steel, Heels Of Helium”?