Girl #1: So this is the man you want to marry?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: And you said there were how many maggots on the turkey?
–3rd & B
Girl #1: So this is the man you want to marry?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: And you said there were how many maggots on the turkey?
–3rd & B
Shish kebab vendor: Are you sure you want the really hot sauce…? And not the regular hot sauce?
Girl: Um, why?
Shish kebab vendor: Want me to describe it? It’s like if I tear out your asshole and tickle it.
–Main St, Flushing
Guy: So I was talking to my grandfather last night.
Girl: The one who survived Auschwitz?
Guy: No, the one who died there.
–A train
Overheard by: Greg Pierce
Girl: When I found out he was all about sex, the crush was all over.
Dude: Oh, come on. I’m sure he’s more mature now.
Girl: Why are you trying to pawn me off on all these guys? I mean, come on, sex is not cool.
Dude: Why are we friends?
–Cafe Esperanto
Guy: So, you don't worship Satan?
Girl: I don't believe in Satan.
Guy: So, you're an atheist?
–7 Train
Overheard by: Starisla
Girl: So I went over to their place and it was a bunch of super-flowery lesbians watching high school musical.
Guy: That sounds interesting.
Girl: Yeah, then they made me pork and beans, which was nice.
–M15 Bus
Teen boy #1: Hey, where is it?
Teen girl: The dildo shop is that way!
Teen boy #2: Yes! Dildos! Oh yeah! We gonna have some fucking fun tonight!
–8th & 6th
Overheard by: A teen who also likes dildos
Chica on cell: He was just white. Like, a white guy. Except Puerto Rican.
–Park Terrace West, Inwood
Overheard by: Gringo Starr
Puerto Rican thug to another, both wearing Puerto Rican flag bandanas as face masks: White people better get used to us. There be like 80 billion of us in the world… Or maybe 8 thousand of us…at least.
–F Train
Overheard by: Brent
Teen on cell: Wait, you're in Puerto Rico? I'll be right there, that's by Chinatown, right? What do you mean it's an island? Like Staten Island? How the fuck did you get there?
–Colombus Circle
Overheard by: Graham Davis
JAP on phone: He called me a clingy JAP! How fucking low! I could've easily pulled the "you're-a-Puerto-Rican-from-Staten-Island" card.
–92nd & 5th
Guy (shouting): Hey guys! You like Puerto Ricans?!
–Times Square
Overheard by: CytoFox
Dad on scooter with eight-year-old girl: I don't want to hear that… Don't fuckin' push me, Joanna! You are not black, you are Puerto Rican!
–Flatbush & Fulton
Overheard by: Chelsea
Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!
–7th Ave & 25th St
Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!
–L Train
Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!
–Deli
Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…
30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!
–Ave B & 3rd St
Overheard by: Mike
Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.
–Astoria
Overheard by: David
