Girls

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!

–Fordham Plaza

Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kirstie

Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…

–J Train

Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?

–34th & 28th

Guy: Why do men keep flirting with me?
Girl #1: Why do you think?
Guy: Is it because of my pants?
Girl #2: Because they're tight?
Guy: These are loose!

–Washington Square Park

Tall curly-haired guy: I have a magnet in my head, by the way.
Petite Asian girl: What? What does that mean?
Tall curly-haired guy: Nothing. Just a random phrase. Just being goofy and unfiltered.
Petite Asian girl: I have a donut in my brain.
Tall curly-haired guy: I've seen the X-rays. I know.

–Odessa Restaurant

Overheard by: baconista

Girl: Hey!
Older guy: Hey! How's your film shoot going?
Girl: Great! I'm almost done!
Random sketch: Be careful not to get any fake blood on your clothes. I know you're wearing all black, but still. (winks)
(no response)
Random sketch: I used to do a lot of coke.

–E 10th & Ave A

20-something girl in chucks to another: No, I will not get rubber boots. What do I look like, fucking Paddington Bear?

–CVS

Boy: I bet if I had three of me I could take on a grizzly bear.

–Columbia

Overheard by: Megan

Small, well-dressed girl: I want to eat the heart of a bear!

–Bohemian Hall, Astoria

Overheard by: Joseph

Guy on cell: You don't even know what the Care Bears are about!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fresca P.

Guy: Whatcha drinkin' there?
Wasted girl: Jungle juice. I made my own… special… red elixir. Haha. My eyes aren't even open right now, are they?

–Party, Brooklyn

Dumb girl #1: They, like, have a really good beet salad and it like, has beets in it!
Dumb girl #2: Wow! Really?

–W 4th & 12th St

Overheard by: westbear

Girl: So, what do you want to do? Get some food? Get on the train?
Boy: I just want to have sex with you.

–Court & Atlantic

Guy #1: It's too bad, 'cuz the good child actors always grow up to be terrible adult actors.
Girl #1: Not always. You have people like Drew Barrymore…
Girl #2: Or Doogie Howser.
Guy #2: Neil Patrick Harris! He has a name!

–St. John the Divine Cathedral

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Girl: I think I am going to start banging him, then rip off the condom and surprise him by sucking him off.
Friend: You classy broad.

–Upper East Side