Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms

Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…

–Chinatown

Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.

–N Train

Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.

–Central Park

Overheard by: kate

Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.

–MegaBus, Top Deck

Overheard by: EuropanGal

20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.

–Macdougal & 4th

Overheard by: Billy H.

Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!

–Bryant Park

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bryant Park, Bus, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Chinatown, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Marriage, Masturbation, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Preppies, Questions, Science, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners

Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.

–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A

Overheard by: Libby

Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.

–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn

Overheard by: big bad don

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hobos, One-liners, Pee, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?

–Whole Foods

Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.

–The Leather Man

Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend

Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.

–5th Ave & 58th St.

Overheard by: Courtney

Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!

–Crowded NYU Elevator

Overheard by: S

Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Liat

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Dildos and Vibrators, Elevators, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lube, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires, Women

That's Stigmata, Ashley.

Girl: What have you been up to, Stephanie?
Stephanie: Oh, I work at an assisted living in Dedham.
Girl: Oh, I know that one. I have a funny story about…
Stephanie: Oh?
Girl: And by “funny story” I mean that I'm in love with your coworker's ex.
Stephanie: Wow!
Girl: Hey, does this look like a mosquito bite or a hive?

–Columbus Circle

Posted on November 2, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Insects, Jobs & Careers, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

That Chick Is Way Too Cocky

Wide-eyed girl, alarmed: I can't believe she mentioned his dick in front of you.
Girl in mourning clothes: I know. It's one thing if she mentioned…
Both, in unison: Her dick.

–Tompkins Ave & Hylan Boulevard

Posted on November 2, 2009
Gender issues, Girls, Penis, Sexuality, Staten Island

Why Metrosexuals Exist.

Girl #1: Oh my god, he was so hot.
Girl #2: I know, I'd totally fuck him if he were gay.

–Midtown

Posted on November 1, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex, Wishes & desires

Which Part Of the Cow Do You Think It Comes From?

Girl #1: And that's why we don't drink breast milk anymore.
Girl #2: Oh, really? That's interesting.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Highly disturbed commuter

Posted on October 31, 2009
Food, Girls, Grand Central, Rack

I Know That, but My Penis Doesn't

Guy on cell: Dude, I am so gonna punish that pussy.
Girl sitting next to him, texting: You know you have a small penis, right?

–L Train

Overheard by: Caged Monkey

Posted on October 30, 2009
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Height, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?

–9th Ave & 14th St

Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.

–4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn

Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.

–A Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady

Posted on October 28, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Crazies, Fashion, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Lesbians, Moms, Money & Class, Nipples, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, S&M, Street, The Village, Time, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Raise the Roofie

Woman on phone: Mommy, how many people do you know who have been raped as much as her? None, exactly!

–Midtown East

Overheard by: dtrain

Woman on cell: And I didn't get raped on the subway today! It's always a good day when I don't get raped.

–6th Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: that's always good

Teen meathead on cell: Wait what? I can't really hear you. (pause) You got raped? Wait… physically or emotionally? (pause) Both? Shit.

–American Eagle Dressing Room

Overheard by: Alyssa

College bro to friend: Nah, dude, it's even better than a date rape drug!

–East Village

Girl: There are some girls who he would be more likely to rape. She's not one of them.

–Graham Ave

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drugs, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Meatheads, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Rape, Store, Street, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Girls