The Wednesday One-Liner Diet Doesn't Work

Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.

–224th St & Jamaica Avenue

Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!

–Park Slope

40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.

–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!

–168th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."

–7th St & First Ave

Posted on August 26, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fat People, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Murder, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Psychology, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Sisters, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners

In the Bathroom or What?

Girl #1 in bathroom stall: Last weekend sucked.
Girl #2 in bathroom stall: I peed in a Wendy's. That was the highlight of my weekend.

–The Saloon, 83rd & York

Overheard by: gem

Posted on August 18, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Pee, Upper East Side

But at Least They're Not All Alcoholics, Like the Native Americans.

Queer: I hate Mexicans, first they jump our borders, then they don't even attempt to speak English.
Tan chick: Fo' reals! I've met some that have been here their entire lives and never bothered to learn English.
Crazy man: Oh my god! Why do you have to be so goddam racist all the time!?
Tan chick: What? I was just making a point, goddammit, I am Mexican!
(five minutes later)
Black lady: Yo! D'shaun! Get yo' ass over here nigga!
Crazy man: I hate black people! They're so goddamn loud, they need to shut up!

–L Train

Overheard by: shocked

Posted on August 17, 2009
Black People, Crazies, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Insults, KKK, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Race

Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!"

–Central Park

Overheard by: Quella

Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you!

–Women's Restroom, Port Authority

Overheard by: Amber Star

Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness?

–LIRR

Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them?

–1st. Ave & 7th St

Overheard by: Mike

Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy…

–C Train

Posted on August 12, 2009
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Dreams, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Horny, Laundromat, Movies, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Port Authority, Questions, Shoes, Street, Stupidity, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on August 12, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, History & Geography, Insults, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Personally, I Would Love to Have an Attic to Play in

Girl #1: I hated Anne frank.
Girl #2: Yeah, she was such a baby.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Overheard by: Christiaan

Posted on August 6, 2009
College, Girls, Gripes, Hitler/Nazis, Kids, Stupidity

Wednesday One-Liners from the Bowels Of the City

Thug teenager to woman shoving umbrella between doors to keep them open: Shit, woman! You'd best pull that umbrella out. This ain't no number train, we will leave yo ass!

–R Train

Very excited middle-aged woman hearing doo-wop singers board train: Woooo! Music train!

–R Train

Overheard by: astoria mets fan

Girl on subway car looking at subway map: What, there's no "you are here"?

–A Train

Overheard by: Rins

20-something girl: Ugh, I hate the subway. They need to, like, invent a, like, above-ground transportation system!

–6 Train

Man walking onto train, slowly: All the premium seats are taken.

–A Train

Overheard by: glad i'm in first class

Posted on August 5, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Directions, Girls, Gripes, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Singing, Teens, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Shit Invented People to Lug It Around

Girl coming out of Key Food with bags: All we do in New York is lug shit around!
Guy with bags: I know!

–30th St & Ditmars

Posted on August 3, 2009
Astoria, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Poop, Weirdness

To Make Men Guess What Kind Of Shape I'm in

Lady jogger #1: I don't like jeans. I don't think they're comfortable.
Lady jogger #2: No?
Lady jogger #1: I mean, I wear them to work and all. But I'd rather wear a sweatsuit.

–Central Park

Posted on August 3, 2009
Athletes, Central Park, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Gripes, Parks, Physical appearance

Wednesday One-Liners Make Partner

Crying woman in pink bathrobe and wet hair, as she chases pimp-looking male: I'm taking them to court. I'm taking those motherfuckers to court! I'm calling 1-800-lawyers!

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: Rebecca Meyers

Attractive female law student on cell: Whatever, he can feed me dinner. I know it's "unethical" or whatever…

–11th St & 5th Ave

Blonde Columbia Education School girl to friend: Isn't this supposed to be a graduate school mixer? Why aren't there any law school guys coming up to me?

–Havana Central, near Columbia University

Overheard by: I <3 Gold Diggers Subway hobo: Yeah, thats right. (yelling) I'm gonna be the best judge this town has ever seen!

–6 Train

Overheard by: watching&waiting

Six-year-old girl walking up some wet slippery steps: If I slip, I'm gonna sue.

–33rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Em

Posted on July 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Crying, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Gripes