The Real World: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!

–Carrol Gardens

Overheard by: Smegma

Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!

–35th & 8th

Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!

–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!

–F Train

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Dating, Directions, Free stuff!, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

If That's Not a Rap Lyric, It Should Be One.

Little girl: Daddy, it's hard to be a six-year-old…
Dad: Uh huh.
Little girl: She wasn't calming me down, daddy, she was calming me up!

–Steinway & Ditmars, Astoria

Posted on February 13, 2009
Astoria, Dads, Gripes, Kids, Weirdness

Ooh, Number Two Should Be How She's a Poopy-Head!

Girl #1: I just want to send her a message with a list of all the reasons I hate her.
Girl #2: I know, I know! Make number one on the list how immature she is.

–Park Slope Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ryan

Posted on January 26, 2009
Girls, Gripes, Park Slope, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

It's Just That New York State Of Mind

Woman to man: So, how are you?
Man: Oh, I'm just peachy!
Woman: Really? How was your day?
Man: Great, I'm ready to hang myself!
Woman: Why what happened?
Man: Nothing. You know, that's every day. Actually, today wasn't even so bad.

–Subway Station

Posted on January 23, 2009
Gripes, Men, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suicide, Weirdness, Women

A Lost Generation Of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster kid: I should just stop wearing underwear altogether.

–Loews Cinema, 84th St

Hipster girl on cell: Is it "i before e" or "e before i"? "E before i," right? I knew it was "i before e"!

–11th & Ave A

Overheard by: Jerome

Drunk hipster girl to boyfriend: I can't afford to buy drugs, I have to buy lunch on Wednesday.

–A Train

Overheard by: Jesse Jack

Angry hipster girl: Why are there so many ATMs everywhere?!

–6th St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Cash Money

Hipster girl, commenting on painting to friend: God, you see diamonds everywhere now. They're like the new antlers.

–Bushwick Art Loft

Posted on January 21, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Animals & Nature, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Kids, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

A Chain Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!

–Penn Station

20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.

–M Bus

Overheard by: BHM

Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: that would pass the time…

Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.

–Herald Square

Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!

–Times Square

Overheard by: BarcLeh

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Drinks, Food, Girls, Gripes, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, Penn Station, Politics, Punch, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

With a Few More Pointless Holidays, We Could Realize Dr. King's Dream

20-something black dude looking at line for Godiva: I fuckin' hate Valentine's Day!
White dude: Yeah!

–Maden Lane & Nassau St

Posted on January 12, 2009
Black People, Celebrations/Parties, Gripes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

Me Too, Whitney. Me Too.

Preteen girl #1: I love our names. Can you imagine if you were named something boring, like Sarah?
Preteen girl #2: I know, right?
Preteen girl #1: It's like, you call a friend and she tells you she's on the other line with Sarah and you're like “Which Sarah? A, b, c, d or e?” and she tells you, “No, Sarah R.”
Preteen girl #2: Ugh. That reminds me. I hate Sarah R.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on January 8, 2009
Girls, Gripes, Names, Park Slope, Questions, Tweens

“Hello? Pot to Kettle Here. You're Wednesday One-Liners.”

Loud, obnoxious man: I hate loud, obnoxious people!

–Nomad Restaurant

Girl with brutal Long Island twang: It's just, like, if you have a Boston accent, you sound, like, so unintelligent. Like, less intelligent than other people, even if you're smart. The accent makes you sound dumb.

–7 Train

Overheard by: IDigGraves94

Angry black woman: Fuck you! I'm a lady!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Annearchist

Flamboyantly gay man on the phone: Mom, I hate you, stop being such a faggot!

–46th & 5th

Suit on cell: Yeah? Well, she's a bitch and deserves to die. You wanna know why? Because she's ugly and she talks bad about people.

–47th St & 9th Ave

Tourist chick carrying a Starbucks coffee and three shopping bags to friend: We are the type to visit Wall Street and say capitalism is bullshit!

–Broadway & Cedar

Overheard by: mondoman