Wednesday One-Liners for Black History Month

Russian woman to Russian friend: I want to see Notorious because it's about black people.

–Regal Cinema, 13th & Broadway

High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid!

–B1 Bus

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Black guy: Don't worry, its alright! I'm not that black! I haven't mugged anybody in two weeks, and I love all white people under six feet tall!

–Time Square

Overheard by: Jennie

Middle-aged black woman, to no one in particular: That George W. Bush! He walks like an arrogant black man!

–Queens

Overheard by: BigFatTiger

Nerdy Jewish guy: I don't know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!

–Queens College

Posted on June 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Film, Foreigners, Frat Boys, Friends, Gender issues, Guys, Height, Jews, Movie Theaters, Nerds, On the Bus, One-liners, President, Queens, Queens College, Race, Sexuality, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Looks Like A Hack Just Got One Year Older

Guy: Happy Birthday!
Woman in Bday hat: Happy Birthday? I’m old enough to be your fucking mother. Wait, how the fuck old are you?
Guy: 30.
Woman: OK, maybe not, but old enough to be your father’s younger sister’s kid’s mother.

–outside Comic Strip Live, UES

Posted on June 8, 2015
Age/Aging, Assholes, Celebrations/Parties, Family Ties, Guys, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Upper East Side, Women

There’s Always Something New to Say About Boobs

Guy: I hate coming-of-age stories.
Girl: Why?
Guy: They’re boring.
Girl: Yeah, but this one has boobs in it.

–F Train

Overheard by: kim

Posted on June 7, 2015
Age/Aging, Books & Writing, Default, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Private Parts

Then Why Aren’t You On A Cell?

Guy: Success is always coming between us. It’s always been that way, and will continue to be that way.

–Pay phone, Cobble Hill

Posted on June 7, 2015
Brooklyn, Guys, Sex & Relationships, Talking/Convos, Time

He knows his Christina

Young gay man: I don’t want to sound cheesey, but to Christina, I’m a little bit stronger
Young straight girl: I think that’s Britney.
Young gay man: No, you’re wrong, that’s Christina.

— Midtown

Posted on June 6, 2015
Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Queer guys, Show business

The Polite Response Is to Break Up with Dan

Dude: If you weren’t Dan’s girlfriend, I would totally do you.
Chick, after long pause: I don’t know how to respond to that.

–Crowded Q101 bus

Overheard by: Kierstan

Posted on June 6, 2015
Guys, On the Bus, Pick-up Lines

…And Some Half-and-Half to Wash Down These Pills

Guy: Hey, Paul! What’s up?
Paul: Oh, I’m just going to hang myself. I mean, get some coffee.

–57th & Lex

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on June 6, 2015
Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Suicide

If Shroomers Wrote Soap Operas

Standing dude: Yo, why are you staring at me?
Seated girl: Oh. Never mind. From the side, you looked like this dude I went to boarding school with. But you're not. I think he's on mushrooms.
Standing dude: I was on shrooms yesterday…
Seated girl: Scott?
Standing dude: Julia?
Seated girl: Shit!

–L Train

Posted on June 6, 2015
Drugs, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Passengers, Questions, Relationships, School and studying

Wednesday One-Liner: Is It in You?

Girl on phone: Oh my god, mom! Aren't you so excited about these new reforms? I am so excited about these new reforms! Almost as excited as I am about my new water bottle!

–Barnard College Campus

Black guy to two other guys: And then he disrespected me… So I threw a bottle of Snapple at his head.

–Central Park

Guy selling water in the street: Ice cold water! Ice cold water! One dollar. Only a dollar. It's only a dollar, assholes!

–Harlem

Guy speaking to someone else: Juice! It's moose, with a j, holla!

–Highline Ballroom

Overheard by: Pasha

Posted on June 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

It's Wednesday One-Liners, Paleface!

Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Lane

Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people.

–East Drive, Prospect Park

Overheard by: White smelly jogger

Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that.

–Christopher St

Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread…

–W 110th & Columbus

Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black!

–E Broadway 99 Cent Store

Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower!

–125th & Adam Clayton Powell

Overheard by: Ruby

Posted on June 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bitch-slap, Black People, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lower East Side, Men, One-liners, Parks, President, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Guys