Wednesday One-Liners Need an F-Bomb Shelter

Hare Krishna guy hawking meditation books: I hate this fucking city, fucking assholes. Fuck. Fuck this city!

–Union Square Station

Girl on phone: So, how's Dan? (pause) Oh, fuck Dan!

–South Ferry Terminal

Teenage boy to another in idling train: We made up an expression just to see if he would start saying it too. We started saying "fuck my dick!" Like, I dropped my pencil and said "fuck my dick!" You know? And he started sayin' that shit, yo!

–G Train

Overheard by: lucyruth

Guy on cell: Listen, I can fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck, whenever the fuck I wanna fuck. I choose not to fuck you.

–42nd St b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: julie f

Late 40s suit to another: Yeah, so I say to him, just to be polite,"yeah, I'd fuck her", then he says "yeah, but I'd fuck her after you were done with her!"

–Met Life Building

Conductor: Please move all the way in, please, people, move all the way in, stand clear of the closing doors. People! (turns microphone off, shouts) Nobody fucking listens to me!

–F Train

Overheard by: BLAH

Posted on May 13, 2009
Conductors, Ferry, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Sloppy Seconds, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

An Inconvenient Wednesday One-Liner

Mother to small child: Well, the weather's nice today, so it's a good afternoon to go to the park, play on the playground, go on the swings, or attack daddy. (pause) Or…you know, whatever else you feel like doing.

–Gramercy

Overheard by: Max

Fancy woman waking out of building, on cell, during snow squall: It's either snow or debris. I can't tell.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: snow. trust me.

Five-year-old girl: It's snowing way too much in Columbus Circle! Fuck! I am going to file a complaint!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: queenofscots

Older hot guy: It's as cold as a drunken French whore in the old Bastille days!

–W 4th St

Woman to neighbor: Hey, girl, do you see this snow? It's the end of the world!
(pause) Have a great day!

–140th St & Amsterdam

Posted on May 13, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, History & Geography, Hotels, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Prostitution, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Two More and She Gets a Set Of Steak Knives

Guy #1: So I heard Tina is getting that abortion.
Guy #2: Ya, it's her eighth one.

–Times Square

Overheard by: jake kirby

Posted on May 12, 2009
Abortion, Guys, Rumor Has It, Times Square, Weirdness

With the Possible Exception Of an Oprah-Kirstie Alley Sandwich

20-something guy #1: So would you fuck Oprah?
20-something guy #2: What? No. Why?
20-something guy #1: Well, I thought you might. Cause you like black chicks, right? And you like fat chicks…I thought you'd be down for a fat black chick.
20-something guy #2: Hell no. You gotta keep the fat ones white.

–C Train

Overheard by: So make sure to wash them with bleach.

Posted on May 11, 2009
About Celebrities, Diet/Weight, Guys, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Sex, Stupidity

Did You Get Here on the SocioPATH Train?

Teen girl: Anna told me you liked me?
Teen guy: Yeah.
Teen girl: Why didn't you tell me or ask me out?
Teen guy: Well, I was afraid you would say no.
Teen girl: Why don't you ask me now and see what I say?
Teen guy: Do you want to go out sometime?
Teen girl: Sorry, no.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Hugh

Posted on May 10, 2009
Dating, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Gospel Song That's Unlikely to Replace “Gather by the River”

Guy: Please give me a quickie…maybe in the bathroom?
Girl: You just bought me coffee…let me finish it first.
Guy: The coffee can't wait?
Girl: It's a hell of a lot better than a quickie in the bathroom.

–Mimi's Cafe, Church & Chambers

Posted on May 9, 2009
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Offers and requests, Restaurants & Cafes, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

On the Other Hand, So Does Gene Simmons.

Girl to another: So now, tell me, how does it feel to be a part of the inferior sex?
Guy: Wait, so you're admitting that women are inferior?
Girl: I have to wake up every morning and put on make-up!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on May 9, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Makeup, Questions, Stupidity, Washington Square Park

What the Hell Kind Of Weed Are You Getting for $10?

Black woman security guard: My coworker smoked half a cigarette and tossed it, but before it hit the ground some guy grabbed it and started smoking it.
Black guy: That shit nasty!
Black woman security guard: Sheeeit, cigarettes are $10 a pack!! That's a bag of weed, yo!

–Au Bon Pain, 35th &7th

Overheard by: Darkua

Posted on May 9, 2009
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Smoking, Weed

Like, Do You Get a Badge for It?

Chick: I mean, we could discuss the merits of jacking off over the toilet.
Dude: There are merits?

–Vol de Nuit, W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: ultracondensed movies

Posted on May 8, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Questions, The Village

You Can't Spell “Intoxication” Without “Toxic”

Guy to girl sipping drink: Can I try some? (takes a sip) That tastes like the stuff I used to get lice out of my hair!
Girl, taking another sip: Yeah, it totally does!
Another girl at table: Gimme some!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Another Andy Samberg Fan

Posted on May 7, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Girls, Guys, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Guys