Guy: So Russia invaded Georgia this morning.
Ditzy girlfriend: Get the fuck out! My aunt lives in Atlanta!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: mark
Guy: So Russia invaded Georgia this morning.
Ditzy girlfriend: Get the fuck out! My aunt lives in Atlanta!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: mark
Guy: Hey, Marie, we're going this way. Yeah, Marie…I'm calling you Marie today. Today is “middle name day.”
Girlfriend, shrugging: Whatever you say, Carol.
–Canal Street Station
Jewish girl: That reminds me of this old Jewish story. Like, there was this queen with seven sons and she had to decide which one would be king, so she told all of them to go bring her a great treasure and they all came back with like gold and jewels but then the youngest one came back with this little orphan girl and he's like “Oh, she just needs love,” so the mom is like, “yes, you shall be king!”
(entire class is silent)
Random guy: Wait…what?
Jewish boy: This is why we're oppressed.
–Stuyvesant High School
60-year-old woman to friend, at Met opening gala: I'm not going to go to the opera this year. There are no fancy entrances.
–62nd & Amsterdam, Improvised Met Entrance
Overheard by: Melissa
Crazy man to group of young women: Hello ladies, are you having a nice night? (women ignore him) You could just say "yes." I'm not Jack the Ripper, I'm not the Boston Strangler…look at you, walking all fancy and shit!
–125th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Anna
Tourist girl: Y'all, Times Square is so fancy. They have a red lobster!
–Times Square
Hobo: Red lobster? What kind of fancy guy do you know? You're lucky if I can buy you a slice of pizza.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: hungry4biscuits
Crazy guy on subway: You have to hold onto your valuables, your Christmas presents, your fancy lingerie…because if you put them down, someone will take them. People are really fast around here. Men, women, transvestites…transvestites are really fond of fancy lingerie.
–Northbound R Train
Overheard by: ElizabethB
Guy #1: Wait, so they make oranges out of meat?
Guy #2: No, they just call that part “the meat of the fruit.” There's no actual meat involved.
Guy #1: That's retarded! Who comes up with this shit?
Guy #2: I guess the people who grow the shit.
–Mott & Canal
Redhead: Do you keep a standard diary?
Brunette: No.
Redhead: You should. Winston Churchill did, and Winston Churchill won World War II.
Brunette: I think Hitler had a diary, too.
–Fort Greene Park
Overheard by: Lulu
Guy #1: I was sleeping and someone came in and stabbed me in the head three times! Next thing I know I'm in a coma for two months!
Guy #2: Whoa…was you high?
Guy #1: High?! Man, I was sleeping! How can I be high when I asleep?
Guy #2: Oh…
–F Train
Overheard by: cs
Columbia girl, looking at cell phone: Oh shit, I have like five missed calls from State Department! Should I call them back? Is it too late now?
Columbia guy, bewildered: What? The State Department?
(girl's cell phone rings)
Columbia girl: Hi, daddy. Well, I realize that, but I just got them. Well, do you think it's too late to call back now? Okay, I'll call them ASAP.
Columbia guy: What did your dad say?
Columbia girl: He told me that when the State Department calls, you should probably answer.
–Le Monde, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: bored prof
Guy #1: Yeah…I heard she looks like Amy Winehouse.
Guy #2: Naw, man she looks like she treats herself like Amy Winehouse…there's a difference.
–31st & 8th
(well-dressed woman gets on downtown train at 34th Street, and gets agitated upon realizing it's not an uptown train)
Guy to well-dressed woman: The Upper East Side is the other way!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Marcus
