Bro #1: There's this weird-looking kinda hot girl that gets on the elevator with me all the time. I finally figured out how to describe her: She looks like a hot fetus.
Bro #2: I know exactly who you're talking about!
–Columbia University
Bro #1: There's this weird-looking kinda hot girl that gets on the elevator with me all the time. I finally figured out how to describe her: She looks like a hot fetus.
Bro #2: I know exactly who you're talking about!
–Columbia University
Guy #1: They're very…urgent.
Guy #2: Very ADD. Very ADHD.
Guy #1: Very OCD.
Guy #2: Very ASAP. Like, Ay-SAP.
Guy #1: Coked up!
–R Train
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
–SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.
–The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
–Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
–GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
–43rd & Madison
Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.
–A Bus
Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.
–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!
–139th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jesse Cromer
Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!
–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn
Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Got Knocked Out
Elderly woman sipping wine: Three girls and one guy? Sounds like a good time!
–Queens
Overheard by: amused cashier
Dude on cell: Hey bro, whatcha doing? Oh, yeah? What about your friend, does he like doing that? Does he like it a lot? Do you think I can come over? Well, then we can all do that together, a lot. (sees people looking at him) I'll talk to you later, bro.
–Church St Post Office
Overheard by: deshaunicus
Serious girl: And then they asked for a three-way, but a tasteful one.
–15th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged woman to friend: I just got this bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
–Bike Shop, 12th St & Ave B
20-something chick: I am *so* over threesomes. There's just too much going on!
–Weight Room, Coles Gym
Overheard by: M.F.
White chick in sundress: I'm too naive for their kind of orgies.
–Dallas BBQ, 165th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk guy at bar: I have to pee, but first I have one word for you: threesome.
–Crocodile Lounge
White guy to friend: Do they eat Thai hookers? I'd eat a Thai hooker.
–47th & Lexington
30-something pudgy guy: So this girl was eyeing me the whole night, and it turns out she was a prostitute! And I was like, "Man! I thought she really liked me!"
–Bleecker St & 6th Ave
Girl in tight purple dress and too much makeup, shouting to friend: I am not a prostitute. I'm a ho!
–Phone Booth, Coney Island
Overheard by: not going there
Mom to son: I'm not a two-dollar hooker! More like a…hundred thousand dollar one.
–Park Ave
Elderly man to another: You just can't run a country like a whorehouse.
–12th St & Ave A
Girl on cell: You stole my secret prostitute name!
–7th Ave & LeRoy St
Chipper, young, possibly gay guy with afro to random woman, after switching seats and moving closer: Sorry to bother you, but I just had to tell you this. I have this book of all these, like, African kings and queens and princesses and stuff. And I just had to tell you that you look just like one of the African queens in it. Like, just like her! Oh, I wish I had the book with me! I would show her to you.
–Q Train
Overheard by: katiek
Super-irate hippie chick in braids, yelling on cell: Thanks to you, everyone thinks I'm a fucking freak. Everyone looks at me like I'm fucking Pearl from the fucking Scarlet Letter!
–Court St & Bergen
Overheard by: Siobhan
Young deli clerk on phone, in confidential tones: William Shakespeare! Shakespeare!
–4th Ave & Bergen St, Boerum Hill
Cockeyed old man in hat to Strand employee: Where are the regular books?
–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway
Annoying rich girl to friend: So I got a library card so I can read more, but then I realized that I don't like used things and I stopped going.
–Bookstore, 71st St & Lexington
Girl (outside of her AP English classroom): Wait…Huck Finn never had syphilis!
–Stuyvesant High School
Woman to friend helping her find a book: You don't have to worry about giving away the ending. I know what happens to those six million people.
–The Strand
Chick, leaning on wall holding baby: Yo, lemme get a cigarette?
Guy, walking out of the train station: Nah, not with that baby in your hand.
Chick: Pssh, I'm not pregnant.
Guy: Not with that baby in your hand, that's disrespectful.
–Queens Boulevard
Overheard by: A Good Reason Not to Have Kids
Girl: What does “patronizing a prostitute” mean?
Guy: Uh, it means picking up a hooker.
Girl: Oh. Well, that's what my cousin's boyfriend just got arrested for.
–N Train
Chick: You know, I call you and call you and you never answer. It's really annoying!
Dude: Well, I'm going to bed.
Chick: You're married?!
Dude: I told you that when I met you! I'm separated.
Chick: Where does your wife live?
Dude: We live together.
Chick: What? You're separated, but you live together?
Dude: Uh, yeah.
Chick: Does your wife know you're separated?
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: You told her you're separated? Or it's just understood?
Dude: Listen. At the end of the day, I'm kind of a dick.
Chick: At the end of the day, you think with your dick.
Dude: True.
–N Train
