…Yet Mysteriously Able to See Through Clothing.

Hobo to another: Ohh… Check that out! Hot white ass!
Girl in blue pants: Why are there so many drunken perverts in Central Park?
Friend (seriously): He's probably just color blind.

–Grand Central Station

Headline by: dwasifar

Runners-Up:
· “…Or, Knowing Your Ass, Just Plain Blind.” – EddieA
· “Because Let’s Be Honest, He Clearly Wasn’t Referring to That Wagon You’re Dragging.” – Wilkeson
· “Or It Could’ve Been the Ablino Donkey Behind You…” – Krikit
· “Smurfette Swore She’d Never Come Back to the City Again.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “The White Pants…Always Keeping the Colored Pants Down” – California Dave

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on November 3, 2008
Ass, Colors, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Handicaps, Headline Contest Winners, Hobos, Questions, Race

…Is That Why He Kept Accidentally Touching My Ass?

Girl #1: Oh my god! That man has an invisible dog leash!
Girl #2: What are you talking about? That is a blind man and his walking stick!
Girl #1: Oh.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Sara

Posted on October 26, 2008
Girls, Handicaps, Man's Best Friend, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Nobody Respects a Wimpy Whiner, Y'know

Teen: I'll get us a cab.
Grandma: Let's just walk, it's only a few blocks from here.
Teen: Are you sure? What about your hip?
Grandma: Well, it hurts, dear, but I'm not going to be a pussy about it.

–57th St

Posted on October 21, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Handicaps, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People

I Told You to Stop Referring to Public School Students That Way

College girl #1: So how did she get into Berkley?
College girl #2: She's probably really smart…and she works with the mentally retarded.

–A Train

Overheard by: AB McNeely

Posted on October 4, 2008
Default, Education, Handicaps, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Questions, Students

Wednesday One-Liners Spin Fat into Muscle

African man, yelling into cell: I am not riding a bike! I’m not a machine! I’m not a machine! I’m not a wheel!

–W 23rd St

Overheard by: I’m a train!

Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s gotta do some exercises or something to keep up with me. I mean, he doesn’t do any foreplay or anything, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…

–37th & Broadway

Guy on phone at sandwich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a complicated quesion -do you mean right now, or in general? Because right now, Lisa’s got a really bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eulogy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m getting a coffee and then I plan on riding the bicycle at the gym -’cause that’s the closest I can get to heroin. How are you?

–85th & Columbus Ave

Lady, to marathon wheelchair participants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!

–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon

Grown woman, clapping and bouncing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!

–76th & York

Ten-year-old girl leaving the midnight showing of Harry Potter: Ugh. I am never working out again!

–68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazy, Death, Depressed, Diet/Weight, Fitness, Foreplay, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Happiness, Heroin, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Psychology, Questions, Relationships, Sex, Tweens, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Carry a Tune in a Bucket

Bum walking dog, singing: Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, ejaculating on all the wrong faces…

–72nd St & Columbus

Overheard by: Asset

Drugged-up guy singing a song to girls on subway platform, to the tune of "Earth Angel": Earth angel, earth angel, would you be mine? Earth angel, earth angel, would someone loan me money so I can bribe her to take me hoooome…

–Union Square Platform

Overheard by: Thankfully not an earth angel

Cop #1, singing to cop #2: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee..!

–6th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Jatmos

Blind panhandler, singing: Can’t take my eyes off of you…

–R Train

Young hobo, singing: Gimme some money, bitch, I need a fuckin’ pen, so I can write a sign…

–St Mark’s Place

Greyhound bus driver: We’re pulling up to Port Authority now. [Sings] My Greyhound brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. La la la la la- New York City! La la la la la -almost there.

–Geyhound, Port Authority

Overheard by: carly, gina, and jenna

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Coworkers, Cum, Druggies, Gripes, Guys, Handicaps, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Music, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Retards & Handicaps, Singing, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

He Could Also Bite Your Knee-caps Off, So Be Careful

Dwarf with walking disability: Could you go upstairs and get me a glass of water?
Man: Water? To drink?
Dwarf: Yeah, to drink. What do you think I’m gonna do with it, wash my hair?
Nearby woman: You could swim in it, I guess.

–Abington Theatre Lobby

Overheard by: Chris

Posted on March 28, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Default, Disabilities, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, Hair, Handicaps, Height, Insults, Little People (Midgets, Dwarfs), Men, Offers and requests, Questions, Strangers, Theater, Women

A Resounding Chorus of Wednesday One-Liners

Three-year-old: Hey, hey, you, you, I don’t like your girlfriend!

–60th & 5th

Overheard by: Rich

Hobo singing to self: Pussy’s like a lickety split, but if you miss, you wind up in a world of shit.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Blind weelbo: Amaaazing grace, how sweet the sound… I once was blind aaand I still am…

–F train

Overheard by: Sara

Large thug, singing in falsetto: I will looove agaaain, even if it takes a lifetime to get ooover youuu…

–Milano Market, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Talentless busker, singing: All my loving, I will send to you… All my loving, darling, I’ll be true [tries to whistle instrumental break, and fails]. My lip! There’s something wrong with my lip!

–63rd & Lex Ave station

Overheard by: Aloof Loner

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Body Parts, Dating, Default, Gripes, Handicaps, Hobos, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Musicians, On the Subway, Retards & Handicaps, Staten Island Ferry, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wheelbos

In Which Case He Should Be Euthanized

Rushing dad dragging kid along: Well, most super guys are good guys.
Four-year-old son: No, some super guys are bad.
Rushing dad: What would make a super guy a bad super guy?
Four-year-old son: Well, he might suck. Like, if he couldn’t walk fast…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: klutch

Posted on August 31, 2007
Dads, Handicaps, Kids, Penn Station

Handicaps