Three-year-old boy to mom: Mom, I think I'm deaf.
Mom: What's that, honey?
Three-year-old boy: I'm deaf.
Mom: “Deaf” means you can't hear.
Three-year-old boy: Oh.
–Smith & Bergan, Brooklyn
Overheard by: makoshark
Tourist teen: Scientology? Is that like that crazy Darwinism stuff where they think people are monkeys?
–TKTS
Guy: Well, 20 million years ago you were a monkey too!
–NYC Lab School
Overheard by: T
Teen to friend: So once the car is full of monkey poop, then you trade it in for another one.
–Chelsea
Hobo sitting in subway station: Woman ain't want no man in her bed…she want a monkey in her bed…ooohh ooh oh ahh ahhh ahhh. (makes monkey noises)
–E Train
Overheard by: Ja9
Comedy show hawker: You will all have autism when you're done with this show. And you'll be having sex like monkeys and bunnies.
–Times Square
Overheard by: fluffyautist
Little boy watching monkey, to father: I bet he wouldn't leave his kid at a Wal-Mart.
–Bronx Zoo
Dude on cell: I have meningitis! I have SARS! (several people look at him in concern) That's what you tell them! Just get out of doing it somehow!
–Amtrak Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Momentarily Panicked
Irate old lady on cell: What are you talking about? She's supposed to be taking the train. (pause) What? The flu? Tell her to shove it up, I'm getting really sick of this. What kind of flu? Does she have diarrhea? A fever? Is she sneezing, coughing?
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman to husband: Deaf people can't hear.
–MoMA
Whiny preteen: Mom, I have diabetes. I'm not even playing around right now–I have diabetes.
–Marquis Theatre
Overheard by: Just here to see the show…
Girl on phone: I don't think I have rabies…do you think I have rabies?
–Columbia University
Dunkin' Donuts employee, sneezing near donuts, to customer: Don't worry, I work better when I'm sick.
–Dunkin' Donuts
Woman to another: So he had this four foot midget, and he was wearing an Obama mask.
–50th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: jellybean
Stoned hipster: I'm short, right? So, like, I feel so close to the ground right now.
–3rd Ave & 11th
Waiter sticking head out of restaurant, to short bald guy: Hey! Are you a little bit of luck?
–35th & 10th
Guy selling comedy show tickets: Yeah! It's a comedy show! Yes, we've got drunken midgets and everything. No, you can talk to me, I'm not trying to sell you drugs!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Avigdor from Jericho
Frat guy to buddies: Is that the place with the midgets under the bar that take care of you while you drink?
–H&M, Broadway-SoHo
Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Danielle
Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!
–25th St & 6th Ave
Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.
–84th & 2nd
Overheard by: Val
Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.
–Mount Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: and by
Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.
–Q Train
Man walking in to immigration center to immigration security guard: You look very elegant today.
–Immigration Application Support Center, Queens
Lady: Oh my gosh, Casey looks so good! You would never know that he's blind!
–W 20th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Katie AK
Slightly tipsy elderly suit: Do you know where I can find a beautiful woman? Someone to spend the rest of my life with?
–Metropolitan Museum Info Desk
A Capella group leader, walking into train: Ladies and gentlemen, happy Thursday. We are a Doo Whop group and we are here to entertain you. If you like what you hear, show us some love. If you are miserable, hell, add more fiber to your diet. This Sunday, we will be saluting the best-looking people on the subway. Have a fiberrific day!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Em Allears
Ghetto black chick after someone took a picture of her: Did you get all the beautifulness?
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy
Mother looking at stick-on lightbulbs: Those might be good in case you ever need to see in the dark.
College-age daughter: Yeah, or if you're blind and need more light.
–Walgreens, 97th & Broadway
Overheard by: ryn
Boy on cell: A swimsuit and a medal? That's a lot of clothes to wear. Hello? Hello?
–NYU
Overheard by: Xy
Man to other sitting on sidewalk: Dude… you know, gloves actually make your hands colder. They're not worth it, man.
–Astor Place
Small Middle Eastern male cashier to white girl: You are wearing things all black! Black bag, black coat, black hair. The only thing not black is you!
–Duane Reade
NYU hipster: People wearing white are in a cult, okay?
–NYU
Overheard by: Boots
Blind lady carrying cane, pointing to clothing on rack: Oh, this this looks good!
–Kmart, 34th St
Overheard by: AussieinNYC
Tween #1, concerned: So what is going on with you and Becky and those midgets?
Tween #2, contemplative and distant: We just have…a connection.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Neilium
Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on.
–42nd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People?
Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: JT
Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: BeccaGo
Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shannon
Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe.
–Chinatown Bus
Overheard by: Evan
Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall.
–41st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Glad I'm not short
