Girl to skinny ditzy drunk girl: Remember my friend Mark?
Drunk skinny ditz: Mark who?
Girl: You know, Mark. He called you emaciated?
Drunk skinny ditz: Oh yeah! I fucking love Mark!
–Union Pool
Overheard by: Wally
Girl to skinny ditzy drunk girl: Remember my friend Mark?
Drunk skinny ditz: Mark who?
Girl: You know, Mark. He called you emaciated?
Drunk skinny ditz: Oh yeah! I fucking love Mark!
–Union Pool
Overheard by: Wally
Clerk #1: Yeah, she said she wants me to be more possessive to her.
Clerk #2: What the fuck does that mean? Your bitch is crazy.
Clerk #1: I dunno what it means, but next time I see her I'm gonna say, “bitch, where you goin'?” and when she starts to answer me I'm just gonna yell, “no!”
–3rd St & Ave A
Overheard by: alex mwheel
Man walking against traffic: Beep! Beep! Beep!
Older black woman: Beep beep, my behind!
–6 Train
Headline by: Trey Jackson
Runners-Up:
· “At Long Last, Someone Correctly Answers David’s Mating Call” – cultural anthropologist
· “Discovered: Where Beyonce Gets Her Lyrics From” – Joel Moore
· “Is That an Insult or an Invitation?” – alan b hutscar
· “Now, If This Had Been on HBO, the Beeps Would Have Been Words…” – beep!
· “Will.i.am, Writing In Notepad: “Genius!”” – James
· “Yeah, Our Line Of Novelty Horns Is Doing Quite Well” – mk
Little boy, pointing at Obama poster: Look, mommy it's Will Smith!
Mother: No, honey, that's not Will Smith. That's…uhmmmm… (to husband) What the fuck was his name again?
–Columbia University
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.
–F Train
Overheard by: penelope
Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.
–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt
Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.
–A Train
Overheard by: Suzi
Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"
–Grand Concourse
Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!
–Radio City Music Hall
Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!
–42nd St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Amina
Geeky 30-something Asian man: He keep telling me “Fuck me! Fuck me!” so I tell him “Fuck you!” and I fuck him!
Mother: (not paying attention).
Geeky 30-something Asian man: I am a man! I put my dick in him for five minutes.
Mother: (not paying attention).
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Malta Paul
Girl on A train: Why are all the signs advertising English language courses written in English?
Brother in a white hat: So people can read it, stupid!
–A Train
Overheard by: Closely Watching on the A Train
20-year old, passing a hobo: Dude, you smell.
Hobo: Fuck you, hipster!
20-year old: I'm not a hips…
Hobo, cutting him off: Where's your hat?
20-year old: I don't own a h…
Hobo, cutting him off: Fuck you and your hat!
–2nd Ave, East Village
Thug #1: Yo, two girls was fightin' over me 'cause I fucked them both!
Thug #2 (pumping fist in the air): Yeeaahhhh! I seen it!
Thugette: I'd be like, “bitches, it's not like I fucked you at the same time or nothin'!”
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: She has a point
