Tourist lady, very slowly: Uhhh, can you… Um, excuse me, can you… um, tell me where… that place downtown… I think it’s, ummm…
Lady suit, interrupting: Christ on a crutch! What are you, Canadian or retarded?!
–4 train, Wall St station
Overheard by: Not Canadian
Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.
–M08 Bus
20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!
–207th St & Broadway
Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?
–LIRR
Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.
–Metro-North Rail
Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.
–42nd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Carolyn
Lady: Why didn’t you stop the bus for me on the other side?
Bus driver: Ma’am, I’m not allowed to open those doors at a non-designated stop.
Lady: Good Lord Jesus Christ, I am not your enemy. Who are you? The Terminator?
Bus driver: Stop being so hostile!
Lady: You’re the one being hospitable! Ooo, you are soo hospitable!
–M15 bus
Little boy: I loved Philadelphia! Mommy, why don’t we move there? I wish we lived there!
Yuppie mom: No you don’t, sweetie. Philadelphia is kind of the ghetto.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: daile
Guido father to daughter and her gay friend: He was a real cocksucker… (realizes gay friend might be offended) But you know…not in the, uh, bad way.
Gay friend: Oh, believe me, I've met plenty of bad cocksuckers.
–LIRR
Overheard by: bill
Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.
–Uptown 5 Train
Crazy Asian bag lady: My pasta! Who took my pasta!? You! (points to yuppie guy) You took it!
Yuppie guy: Lady, does it look like I need your pasta?
Crazy Asian bag lady: Calm down, asshole, it's just pasta. I think I told David he could have it.
–W 52nd
NYU girl #1: I am so fucking sick of the Jews for Jesus everywhere.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, I know, it’s really annoying.
NYU girl #1: It’s not annoying; it’s fucking insulting! What, do I look Jewish to them? I mean, seriously, I don’t, do I? You’d tell me if I looked Jewish, right?
–Washington Sq Park
Overheard by: Emily
Comedy promoter guy: Gentlemen, are you interested in seeing some comedy?
Guy: I’ve already seen your shitty show!
–78th & Broadway
After the woman sent them to the wrong place twice, my uncle went back to the information desk.
Uncle: Excuse me, but did you have to pass an IQ test to get this job?
Information lady: I’m wearing my eyeglasses.
–JFK
