Overprivileged yuppie #1: Did you see that? Dude, did you *see* that?! Man, I *own* this fucking city!
Overprivileged yuppie #2: No you don't, skizzball. Donald Trump owns this fucking city.
Overprivileged yuppie #1: Donald Trump can suck my dick!
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: SoOverIt
Chick on cell: As a pie-lover, I have a question.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Poogins
Father to toddler: No, you can't have a doughnut. You just had a doughnut yesterday. You can have another when you're…25!
–Doughnut Plant, Grand & Norfolk
Large older woman: I like cherry, lemon, peach, apple, and pumpkin. Other than that, I'm not a big pie person.
–Central Park Bench
Overheard by: Struedel Snatcher
Big black guy: And she kept trying to get me to take a pie, but I kept telling her, "bitch, I ain't got no room for no pie!"
–Penn Station
Young lady to friend, gravely: I understand, but things have changed. That was before the chocolate bonanza.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: T. Ryan
Rich girl to friend: I couldn’t decide between the Marc Jacobs sweater and the Dior jacket. It was like Sophie’s Choice.
–Outside NYU dorm
Rich lady on phone: Uh-huh, uh-huh, but what if we just put the tennis court where the house was? … Okay, okay, what if we demolish the existing tennis court and make that area the guest house again? Or create a glassed-in structure over the court instead?
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: mkp-hearts-nyc
Man lunching with friend: I mean, I never lost a million dollars before.
–55th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: ilegal browser
Dad to child in stroller, passing the park: What? You wanted to go in there? I thought you said you wanted to go to Marc Jacobs.
–Hudston St
Overheard by: Colleen
20-ish girl: Fuck my dad. How selfish can you be? If I want to live on West 11th, then fucking buy the flat on West 11th. Ugh. Sorry. Can I get another dirty martini?
–The Village
WASP lady: She’s not even nouveau riche — she is just nouveau!
–A Voce, 26th & Madison
Man, running into girl: Oh! Sorry! I'm sorry! Are you okay?! I'm so sorry.
Girl: Stop apologizing and start walking, idiot!
–Herald Square
Bimbette: She was being such a bitch, and I was like, ‘You catch more flies with honey than you do with a fly swatter, y’know.’
Boyfriend: Don’t talk. Seriously. Just stand there and look hot, okay?
–Penn Station
Overheard by:
Young man with wife: Excuse me, miss, do you mind moving over one so we can sit together?
Angry black woman: No, no, no, no. I paid to be here, I can sit wherever I damn well please!
Man overhearing conversation: What is your problem, lady?
Angry black woman: Shut up! I can do whatever I want! I paid to be here!
Young man: I curse you, lady!
Angry black woman: What? You curse me? You can't curse me! You ain't god! You ain't nothin'! Well guess what, I reverse the curse on you, fool!
–Loews Theatre, 42nd St
A bike messenger almost plows through the crowd at a crosswalk.
Messenger: You gotta look! You gotta look!
Black Woman: Nigger, you look! You ain’t drivin’ no car!
–44th & Madison
Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.
–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th
Overheard by: Pleased
Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!
–Peter McMannus Pub
LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Jenna K
NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?
–Waverly & Mercer
Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.
–172nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Woman: Man, don’t you fucking fall on me!
Queer: I didn’t fall on you. [under his breath] Idiot.
Woman: You the fuckin’ idiot, fuckin’ idiot.
Big guy: You see that? You see how quickly that escalated? All because of courtesy. That guy couldn’t even apologize.
Queer: I didn’t fall on her; she’s just being retarded.
Woman: You a fuckin’ retard!
Big guy: I love this city.
–Downtown 1 train
Very loud woman: You ain’t gonna believe the shit that bitch said to me.
Friend: Who? Your friend?
Very loud woman: Yeah, that bitch, my friend. She ain’t my friend.
Friend: What she say?
Very loud woman: She say, ‘Oh, girl, I ain’t seen you in a long time — like weeks! You look so swollen! Why you so swollen?’ I was like, ‘Bitch, I ain’t swollen, I’m fat. Why you dissin’ me?’
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s
