Wednesday One-Liners: Now in Color!

Asian schoolgirl to friend: So he says "you're a racist," and I'm like, "I can't be a racist, I'm a race!"

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Squidocto

Fair-skinned Italian Long Island woman: So they both took a paper bag test, and passed.

–Barnes & Noble Cafe

Overheard by: a.j.w.

Yuppie Indian woman: In *my* culture, I'm not black.

–Flatbush Ave

Overheard by: mojbe

Ridiculously loud girl employee: Bobby! What's your ethnicity?

–NYU

Overheard by: …not the only shocked observer

Eight-year old black kid to 20-something babysitter, about younger brother: He likes black girls, but I like white girls!

–Outside Delancey Station

Posted on September 27, 2014
Asians, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, India Indians, Italians, Kids, KKK, Lower East Side, NYU, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Students, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Women, Yuppies

I'll Give You Pickles 'Til It Hurts!

Raucous blond toddler, shouting: I want pickles!
Harried young mother, shouting back even louder: We have pickles at home! I will give you pickles!

–Broadway & Bleecker

Posted on September 24, 2014
Food, Kids, Moms, Parents, The Village, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Simply Scrotacular

Tourist mom with mullet, trying to take a picture of cute five-year old boy: Stand by the testicles, honey. Stand by the balls!

–Wall Street Bull

Overheard by: oh tourists

Suit to street vendor: You spend the money and get blue balls…

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Colin

Guy on cell: Fucking shit! What the fuck? This fucking shit is fucking messed up! (pause) Whatever, mommy… just get me a large, it'll give me more room for my balls.

–97th St & Madison Ave

Big guy in chair on sidewalk to friend: So, I ate a pair of balls last night. Lamb balls. Hot and spicy.

–Heath St & 231st St

Overheard by: Km

Ghetto man to Dunkin' Donuts cashier: Yo, how much is da balls?

–W 148th & Broadway

Posted on September 24, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Balls, BJs, Black People, Cashiers, Family Ties, Food, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pictures, Questions, Street, Suits, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

She’s a Cleavage Psychic

Little girl: Will I have big mountain nungas like you someday?
Big sister: Only hillocks, I fear.

–58th & 6th

Overheard by: EAK

Posted on September 23, 2014
Body Parts, Family Ties, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Rack

…Along with Everyone Else in America.

Seven-year-old to another, after comment: That's what she said!
Mom, yelling: Who is this girl? And why do you both always know what she said!?

–86th St & Madison

Overheard by: Luther Cherry

Posted on September 23, 2014
Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Son: Women Are Evil, and This Is How We Mask Our Shame

Little Boy: Mommy, what’s THAT? [points to tampon machine in the bathroom.]Mom: It’s for girls.
Little Boy: But what does it DO??
Mom: It’s for girls.
Woman exiting bathroom stall: You’re gonna have a hard time explaining this one.

–Barnes and Noble, Park Slope

Posted on September 23, 2014
Boys, Default, Education, Gender issues, Kids, Menstruation, Moms, Park Slope, Questions, Store, Strangers, Women

“There's No Wednesday One-Linering in Baseball!”

Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.

–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave

Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…

–23rd & 8th

15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.

–A Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!

–LaGuardia High School

Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?

–34th & 6th

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crying, Dads, Dancing, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

…National Security Secrets!

Five-year-old: Wipe!
60-year-old father: What for?
Five-year-old: Daddy, I need a wipe! Now! I think I spilled!

–60th St

Posted on September 23, 2014
Cleanliness, Dads, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Parents

There's Nothing Sexier Than the C-Word

Five-year-old boy at young nanny as they wait in line: Mimi? You're the “c” word.
Mimi, looking shocked: The “c” word? What do you mean?
Five-year-old boy: You know… C-e-x-y. Will you marry me?

–Checkout Line, Columbus Circle Whole Foods

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on September 22, 2014
Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Marriage, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Words

They'll Make You the Life of the Party

(looking at the blown up condoms)
Boy: Dad, I don't think those are balloons.
Dad: No, they're balloons.

–Nokia Theatre

Overheard by: Kristina

Posted on September 21, 2014
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Dads, Default, Kids, Lies, Questions, Theater, Times Square

Kids