The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St

Posted on August 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, President, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Until After That Nice Girl Has Finished Dancing

Little girl: Daddy, what's an orgasm?
Dad: It's kinda like a sneeze. Now don't ask me any more questions.

–Times Square

Posted on August 4, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Orgasm, Parents, Questions, Times Square

Childrearing, in a Nutshell

Four-year-old: I don't like you.
Angry mother: Well, that's fine, I don't like you very much either.
Four-year-old: That's mean.
Angry mother: That's life.

–Time Square

Overheard by: pluml

Posted on August 3, 2015
Comebacks, Kids, Moms, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Times Square

You’re Not a Lesbian, Are You?

Two-year-old girl runs up to Indian Sikh with grey beard and purple turban.
Toddler: Santa! Look mommy, Santa! Hi Santa!
Mom: She … Likes your hat.

–Lillian’s Pizza, Forest Hills

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on August 3, 2015
Compliments, Family Ties, Girls, Kids, Moms, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes

And You’re Trick-or-Treating for This Week’s Groceries, My Friend

Four-year-old boy: I’m tired.
Serious mom: You can’t be tired. It’s Halloween.

–95th & 3rd

Overheard by: acep

Posted on August 3, 2015
Holidays, Kids, Moms, Upper East Side

Portrait Of the Scat Fetishist As a Young Man

Hispanic nanny: And you know how I have to make poo?
Excited toddler: Yeah!

–1st Ave & E Houston

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on August 3, 2015
Health and Hygiene, Kids, Latinos, Poop, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Do Wednesday One-Liners Measure Up?

Eastern European in velour jumpsuit, approaching guy on street: Sup, cuz. Hey, remember to give it to Ricky tonight for that thing tomorrow. It's a good size. Alright, see you later.

–89th & 3rd

Overheard by: Ben A

Girl to friends: And then she was like, "yeah, let me look at you with my weirdly oversized eyeballs."

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: iwn2000

Female suit on phone: We need to get them! (pause) No! They're too big! They won't fit in the hole!

–Broadway

Guy: Masculinity is determined by the size of your (slight pause) army…

–Millennium High School

Little girl, carrying tiny stick: Look! I have the biggest stick in the world!

–Central Park

Posted on August 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Eurotrash, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Height, Kids, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Strangers, Street, Suits, Upper East Side, Vagina, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Wednesday One-Liner That Never Sleeps

20-something girl to friend: I'm sorry, but what is the big fucking deal with eating on the sidewalk? Back courtyard? Sure. Rooftop? Fuck, yeah! But the fucking sidewalk? Homeless people up in my face. Loud trucks up in my ears. Carcinogens up in my lungs. I mean… really? New Yorkers are all fucked up.

–2nd Ave b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Dodd Loomis

Ditzy blond tourist: New York is the most foreign place in America I've ever been to!

–F Train

Overheard by: Chelsea S.

Indian guy on phone: I don't wanna be like the Bengali fob! I'm gonna show up and be like the original New York gangsta!

–B61 Bus

Bar customer to table next to him: I need to visit New York, everyone that visits is always happy. Everyone that lives here in New York is always miserable.

–Chambers St

Little boy, with great excitement: I just tripped in New York City!

–Times Square

Posted on August 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Desi, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Happiness, Homeless, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Physical appearance, Strangers, Street, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Guess That Explains the Spiked Collar

Six-year-old boy: Can I pet your dog?
Hot girl: Sure, but she’s a little crazy.
Six-year-old boy: Ahhh, so is my sister [points to four-year-old]. Maybe they’re related!
Four-year-old sister: Grrr…

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: dan finnegan

Posted on August 1, 2015
Boys, Default, Families, Girls, Insults, Kids, Man's Best Friend, West Village

The Mice Get Depressed and Kill Themselves

Child: Daddy, can we get a dog?
Dad: No, they don't do anything. At least Sid and Nancy keep the mice away.

–Tribeca

Overheard by: jae

Posted on August 1, 2015
About Celebrities, Animals & Nature, Dads, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, Parents, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Kids

You’re Not a Lesbian, Are You?