Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!

–Grand Central

Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.

–44th St & Broadway

Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"

–59th St & Lexington

Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?

–Brooklyn College

Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: christopher james

Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.

–F Train

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Directions, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parents, Passengers, Pee, Penis, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Rape, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Only If You Do It with Mad Flair.

Polite, cute seven-year-old black boy to mother: Mommy, how was your day?
Hot mom: Nice, I had a very nice day. Thank you for asking. How was your day?
Little boy: Pimpin! Can I play Wii when we get home, please?

–B Train

Posted on August 7, 2015
Black People, Family Ties, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Video Games

And Any One of Her Stepfathers Who Happens to be Around That Week

Young child: Mom, that girl hit me!
Mom: What? You go back there and punch her back! No one hits my daughter besides me!

–Columbia St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on August 7, 2015
Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Parents, Street, Violence

I Knew La Cosa Nostra Had to Be Involved

Little girl: Hey! Come over here!
Coffee guy: I can’t! I’m working! Why don’t you come over here?
Little girl: I can’t! I’ve got family here!
Manager lady: Hey, so does he! All our workers are family here!

–Starbucks, Union Square SE

Overheard by: Chris R

Posted on August 7, 2015
Bosses, Family Ties, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Talking/Convos, Vendors & Street Performers

The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St

Posted on August 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, President, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…Until After That Nice Girl Has Finished Dancing

Little girl: Daddy, what's an orgasm?
Dad: It's kinda like a sneeze. Now don't ask me any more questions.

–Times Square

Posted on August 4, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Orgasm, Parents, Questions, Times Square

Childrearing, in a Nutshell

Four-year-old: I don't like you.
Angry mother: Well, that's fine, I don't like you very much either.
Four-year-old: That's mean.
Angry mother: That's life.

–Time Square

Overheard by: pluml