Yo Quiero Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to male teacher: I thought you were a middle aged Latino woman.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alex and Colin

Chubby Latino: I don't want to go there. It'll just be a bunch of angry Dominicans throwing tables.

–Cooper Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Drunken lady, sitting uninvited at a Hispanic family table: Cinco cuatro cinco… en Chicago. I have a business at 545 Chicago. In Chicago. I am a successful woman. Stay in school, sweetie. Learn your math and arithmetic… Yes, your math, and your arithmetic. And be good to your mommy. You only have one mommy, so be good to her. Alright, ciao, guys. Adios, coco! What? A cab? No, no, I'm fine.

–Pio Pio Restaurant, 91st & 1st

Overheard by: HJWC

Hasidic Jew answering cell: Hola? Hola? Hola!

–30 Rock

Overheard by: Micky

Bespectacled man on cell, walking a dog: And I owe it all to the politically incorrect Frito Bandito.

–Bryant Park

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Business and Commerce, Drunks, Education, Fat People, Fears, Fordham, Gender issues, Jews, Languages, Latinos, Men, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Restaurants & Cafes, Rockefeller Center, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

A Spirited Game of More-Than-Twenty Questions

Trendy Latina #1: Is it an insect?
Trendy Latina #2: Yes!
Trendy Latina #1: So it's an ant-eater?
Trendy Latina #2: No!

–Long Island RR

Posted on August 9, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Insects, Latinos, Long Island, Questions, Stupidity

A Muscle Shirt With Holes? The Jury's Reached a Verdict

Latina hipster: He loved my hair!
Latino hipster: They was all faggots. It was fags that loved your hair.
Latina: He didn't sound gay. And he had holes in his shirt.
Latino: Was he wearing polyester?
Latina: No.
Latino: See?

–A Train

Overheard by: Drew

Posted on August 8, 2008
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hipsters, Latinos, On the Subway, Questions

Mellow Yellow Wednesday One-Liners

Latina: I don't care what a guy says, I'm not gonna let him piss on me.

–Vesey Street & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Giggling four-year-old boy: Yeah, and there was a sign and it said, "Caution: someone peed here!"

–Waverly & W 11th

Bimbo: And he was like, "Sarah, you pissed the bed" and I was like, "Whaaaaat?" and he was like, "Sarah, get up, you pissed the fucking bed!"

–Theater District

Overheard by: Paul

Girl on cell: Alright, fine, but if you pee on me again, we're done!

–C Train

Overheard by: Laura

Guy, in disbelief: You mean you've never been pissed on before?!

–14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Girl: Would it be considered indecent exposure if I peed in the sink?

–Lyceum Theatre

Girl to friend: Her?! She totally splashes her urine.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Ellen

Posted on August 6, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Kink, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Won't Be Buried in the Jewish Cemetery

Girl on cell (reading US Weekly): Hey, Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were photographed together! That means there's still hope for me and that guy from the tattoo shop!

–Brookyln Diner, Times Square

Latina: What's with grandma keeping gettin' tattoos that show?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Justin Case de Foodisbad

Chick to another: The only thing he better get tattooed on his butt is my name!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Angela

Guy to girlfriend: Does that guy over there have a picture of Kim Jong II tattooed on his shoulder? (pause) Or is that his kid? (pause) Cause that's fucked up!

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Not sure myself…

Girl: So I hooked up with this guy who had a prison tattoo of an eagle ripping up the communist manifesto. I was like: "God bless America," y'know?

–N train

Overheard by: amen

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Coney Island, Family Ties, Girls, Latinos, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, Pictures, Politics, Prison, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex & Relationships, Tattoos, Times Square, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

25% Of All New Yorkers Have Wednesday One-Liners

Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…

–Harlem Rite Aid

Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!

–French Roast, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: zdog

Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can't keep doing this. I don't want to get herpes again.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: JLief

Girl on subway to friend: I've never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.

–E Train

Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That's how you get herpes and ruin your summer.

–3rd & 92nd

Overheard by: rebecca

Posted on July 30, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Latinos, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, STDs, Store, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

…Wait– Was That a Sex Joke?

(back door opens and closes, then the bus starts moving)
Obnoxious Hispanic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!
Bus driver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!
Obnoxious girl: Back dooooor!
Bus driver: I have a family! I’m tired! I want to go home!
Obnoxious girl: Back doooooooor.
Bus driver: Ladies and gentlemen, our future.

–Bx41

Overheard by: If He’s Dissapointed with this I hope he never walks into one of New York’s public schools

Posted on July 27, 2008
Bus Drivers, Default, Depressed, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Latinos, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Public Transportation

Was That the Beginning of a Haiku?

Strange Latino man to girl: Excuse me, but I was wondering, do you like poetry?
Girl: (stares for a moment) Um, vomit.

–104th St & Broadway

Posted on July 19, 2008
Books & Writing, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Latinos, Men, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vomit, Words

We’ve Learned to Embrace Our Bigotry

Ghetto Hispanic guy #1: So where are you ladies coming from?
Uninterested girl #1: That hipster party.
Ghetto Hispanic guy #2: Yo, we were there too!
Ghetto Hispanic guy #3: But ya’ll probably didn’t notice us ’cause we’re Hispanic.
Uninterested girl #2: Yeah, that sounds like us.

–Lorillard & 189th

Posted on July 10, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Default, Girls, Latinos, Questions, Race, The Bronx

Raise Your Hand If You Wish You’d Been There

20-something tall black bellhop: I challenge you, right now, to a salsa dance-off.
70-year-old short Latino bellhop: Go get a radio.

–Peninsula Hotel

Overheard by: Carol

Posted on July 6, 2008
Black People, Coworkers, Dancing, Default, Hotels, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Offers and requests, Old People

Latinos