16-year-old tourist girl #1, looking at a map of Europe: You know that country that is shaped like a boot?
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Yeah…Italy, of couse.
16-year-old tourist girl #1: No, it's not…I know this one…it's…Florida!
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Oh my god! I cant believe you've said that. Florida is in the US!
16-year-old tourist girl #1: I know!
–New York Public Library
Overheard by: Thales H.
Girl: Hey, are you going to the Anarchy Club meeting at 5 pm today?
Boy: I'd love to plan a revolution but I have a lot of work to do.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.
–Time Warner Security Check
Overheard by: spandangle
Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.
–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: GJL
Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?
–Brooklyn Library
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.
–86th & Brooklyn
Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?
–Liberty Island
Overheard by: heather linford
Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Honest Truth
Female student #1: Yeah, I think I'd sleep with a guy just so he wouldn't kill me. It'd be pity sex.
Female student #2: That's not pity sex, that's rape!
–Columbia University Library
Overheard by: MizBehavior
Nine-year-old girl: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?
14-year-old girl: Well, I'm a Democrat.
Nine-year-old girl: Why?
14-year-old girl: Well, in my opinion, being a Democrat means you don't like Bush.
Nine-year-old girl: Oh. I'm a Democrat, too.
–Brooklyn Public Library, Greenpoint Branch
Overheard by: Jack Jackl
Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: LIZ
Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?
–Biddy Early's Pub
Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!
–3 Train
Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?
–Times Square
Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.
–92nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Mad Man
Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.
–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
(seven-year-old girl gives 10 books and a few DVDs to library clerk)
Girl: Can I please have a bag?
Clerk: Sure, miss.
(clerk hands girl the bag, girl grabs it)
Girl: God! What did you put in here, a hippopotamus?
–Brooklyn Central Library
Overheard by: Jessie
Male retiree: Do you have any books by Stephen Hawking?
Librarian: By him or about him?
Male retiree: I don’t know. An easy one. Did you know he has two kids?
Librarian: No…
Male retiree: Yeah, I saw him on PBS last night, he’s, you know… And he has two kids!
Librarian: He must be proud.
–Brooklyn Library
Five-year-old girl in the men’s bathroom: Hey everybody! Look! I have fat poopies!
–New Dance Group, West 38th St
Random chick: She’s gonna be all over me for shitting today.
–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Girl: I so should have taken a dump in that toilet!
–14th & 4th
High school boy: I literally walked in the bathroom and saw like, someone took a dump on the floor; and it was more than one person! And I was just like, wow, is this a new trend or something?
–Fresh Meadows, Queens
Overheard by: Caro-kun
18-year-old CPR/AED instructor on using a defibrillator: …if you’re touching the person when you administer the shock, it won’t kill you, but you might poo a little.
–50th & Broadway
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Chick: Welp, I am ready to have diarrhea now!
–2nd Ave & 11th
Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.
–NYU Bobst Library
Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!
–70 & Broadway
Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Amy
