Wednesday One-Liners, in a Nutshell.

Man in car at stoplight on cell: Yeah, so I grabbed a towel for my nuts and ran down the stairs. Yes, I covered my nuts. So I run down the stairs covering my nuts with a towel because I knew where the smoke was coming from!

–127th & Lenox

Street tough to guy in wheelchair: So you kicked him in the nuts? (shrugs) Yeah, word.

–E 2nd St & Ave C

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Crazy man: Where's Howie? Where's my favorite nut-nut?

–Hanson Place

Overheard by: JBeck

Dude on cell while riding bicycle: It's hanging off your nuts?

–Williamsburg

Mom 20-something daughter heading to Penn Station: Should we grab our nuts, at least?

–7th Ave & 34th St

Overheard by: Just don't grab my nuts

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Balls, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Crazies, Fire, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wheelbos, Williamsburg

…Where You Ignore Me When I Talk

Little girl: Mom, it's okay, I'll be fine.
Mom: Are you sure, sweetie? You know you always call me and tell me how much you miss me when I'm away.
Little girl: Yeah, mom, but I miss you at home.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Brok

Posted on May 24, 2010
Battery Park, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Parents, Parks

Wednesday Conga Liners

Young gay: It's gay upon gay in that establishment, but not one person's dancing!

–Boiler Room, E 4th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: That's because it's the Boiler Room

Mother to five-year-old son looking at Rockettes signage: Well, for one thing, you have to be a girl. And you also have to really long legs.

–Outside Radio City Music Hall

Overheard by: Bryan

Girl: Woah, there's no one in the dance studio. That's so ironic!

–Beacon School

20-something girl: Well, the way he was dancing, I couldn't not take his wallet!

–1st Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: rachel

Posted on May 19, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Dancing, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queer guys, School, Sexuality, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

A Premium Cut Of Grade-A Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to boyfriend, after taking deep breath: Can you smell that? It's like the ghost of meats past!

–10th Ave, Meatpacking District

Suit: Turkey-bacon? How did you guys get them in one meat?

–Grand Central Place

Young lady to another: And then we were all treated to sausages…

–E. Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: Luke McPartlin

Five-year-old boy to bewildered mother: We're gonna go work for a giant meatball!

–86th St & Lexington

Distraught-looking white woman to boyfriend: I just wish I'd gotten the more expensive steak. (boyfriend nods sympathetically)

–Upper East Side

Posted on May 19, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Food, Grand Central, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

… Without Wheels

Little boy to mother: Mom, can I have a motorcycle? I'll take really good care of it!
Mother to son: My son, you will never have a motorcycle. It's dangerous… Mommy will buy you a BMW.

–Brooklyn

Posted on May 18, 2010
Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents

Baby's With Stupid Mothers Often Have Problems

Man: When's your baby's birthday?
Mom: Last week.
Man: Oh, he a Gemini?
Mom: No, he a Tuareg.
Man: Oh, shoot, watch out.

–R Train

Posted on May 17, 2010
Babies, Birthdays, Men, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Stupidity

And Those Who Prey on Them

Mother to young son: So we will get off at Port Authority.
Son: What's that?
Mother: A place with very busy people.

–42nd & 9th

Overheard by: Raj S

Posted on May 14, 2010
Directions, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, NYC Geography, Public Transportation

No Gang Colors in Rite Aid, Ma'am

Little girl: Oh! Nail art, can I have it?
Mom: No, I got a problem with you today.
(little girl sulks)
Mom: I don't care if you think it's an accident: when someone hits you, you hit them back and ask questions later! When you learn this then I will buy you those nails!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: kay arrgh

Posted on May 13, 2010
Accidents, Advice, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Store, Violence

WedNRAsday One-Liners

Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers.

–Midtown

Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you.

–Roosevelt Island Golf Center

Overheard by: erak

40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts.

–The High Line

60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me?

–Prince & Sullivan

Posted on May 12, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Families, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murder, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Soho, Suits, Thievery, Threats, Trees and plants, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Congress?

Daughter, after seeing steaks on a barbecue: Is that pig?
Mother: No, it's cow.
Daughter: Ew! Gross!
Mother: Where did you think pork came from?

–Street Festival, Myrtle Ave

Posted on May 11, 2010
Brooklyn, Families, Food, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Questions, Stupidity

Moms