Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?

–Penn Station

Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.

–10th St & Ave A

Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.

–Uptown F Train

Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.

–Wagner Park

Overheard by: mclaire

Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.

–Rivington & Essex

Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!

Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.

–SoHo

Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!

–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on October 14, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Couples, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Kick, Kids, Lower East Side, Marriage, Men, Moms, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Questions, S&M, Sex, Soho, Street, Teens, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Have a Cough Drop, Then

Excited mother to son, watching Egypt exhibit: Oh, look, honey, those are esophaguses!
Embarrassed father, whispering: Sarcophaguses.

–The Met

Overheard by: KeaKea

Posted on October 13, 2009
Body Parts, Boys, Dads, Families, History & Geography, Moms, Parents, Stupidity, The Met, Upper East Side, Visual Art, Words

That's Better

Little boy: Open the door for me.
Mom: “Please.”
Little boy: Open the door for me, please. You don't say please to me, mommy!
Mom: Hurry the hell up, please.

–Brooklyn

Posted on October 9, 2009
Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Parents, Words

Wednesday One-Liner, Dearest

Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Gaunt

Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Fiona

Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!

–125th & Park Ave

Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Laura

Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.

–13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asshole, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Why Do You Think We Named You “Kleenex,” Sweetie?

Toddler, as mom wipes her hand on him: Ew! What was that?
Mother: Love.
Toddler: Gross!

–54th & 10th

Overheard by: aida

Posted on October 6, 2009
Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Parents, Questions, Weirdness

I'm Getting You a Cell Phone

Little boy: When we leave, how do we know how to get home?
Waspy mommy: Oh! C'mon sweetie, you know our street don't you?
Little boy: Uptown!

–Saks

Overheard by: smith

Posted on October 5, 2009
Directions, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Store, White People

Lion: Tsk, Kids Today!

Mother to daughter, at lion exhibit: And what sound does a lion make?
Young daughter: Woof?

–The Bronx Zoo

Posted on October 5, 2009
Animals & Nature, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Parents, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, The Bronx

Especially New Yorkers

Mother, in front of bridal store: Those dresses are so ugly. Why would anyone wear a dress like that to their wedding?
Daughter, in stroller: Some people like ugly!

–57th & Park Ave

Posted on October 5, 2009
Beauty, Clothing, Girls, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Parents, Questions

That Expression Went Out in the 1950's, Sweetie.

Vendor: Let's go soda! Pepsi! Diet Pepsi!
Little girl to mom: Did he say “hot dog”?

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Eminems

Posted on October 3, 2009
Drinks, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Shea Stadium, Vendors & Street Performers, Words

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Posted on September 30, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Dads, Drinks, Fordham, Friends, Hook Ups, Kids, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Robbing the Cradle, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Moms