I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills.

–31st & 2nd

Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee.

–outside The Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Josh Neufeld

Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped.

–Vertigo, 26th & 3rd

Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella.

–Delancey & Allen

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Posted on March 30, 2018
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Clothing, Condoms, Drugs, Fashion, Health and Hygiene, Lower East Side, Manhattan, More museums, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museums, On Cell, Places, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rape, Sex, Venues, Violence, Williamsburg, Yuppies

There's Nothing Like the Sizzle of a Veggie Shizzle

Frat guy #1 (looking at produce at a Bodega): Dude, that's what I'm talking about, cooking some veggies.
Frat guy #2: Dude, veggies are the shit!

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on March 19, 2018
Compliments, Default, Frat Boys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Posted on February 20, 2018
Advice, Age/Aging, Asians, Brooklyn, Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Insults, Jews, Kids, Latinos, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Teachers/Professors, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners Love Margot Kidder

Hobo: Hey man, it’s not raining. It’s just your imagination.

–36th & 5th

Overheard by: Q-Bert

Posted on February 16, 2018
Hobos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weather

But Without Pockets, They Lose All of It

Little boy #1: Nudists are rich!
Little boy #2: Really? Why?
Little boy #1: They don’t have to buy clothes!

–17th & 3rd

Posted on November 25, 2017
Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nudity

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Heels in Bed

Obnoxious NYU student on phone: Hey, remember that cute boy in my chemistry class I was telling you about? Well, I totally just saw him in a gay porno!

–Study Room, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: NYU Ears

Patient woman: She's making friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!

–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Overheard by: sab

Cranky suit to nodding friend: Except for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make money anymore!

–Madison Ave & 47th St

Overheard by: kricka

Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.

–Downstairs Bar, Morimoto Restaurant

iPhone screamer: Yeah, just take the exec-u-table file and put it in the folder. Right the exec-u-table file! I know, the music is funny, like a porno, right?

–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Chick: You *know* we're all going to be googling "eggbeater porn" before the night is over.

–Party, 171st & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 23, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, e-Bay, Film, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Google, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Porn, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday Really Pumps Out the One-Liners

Guy to female friend: There's a guy in the Howard Street festival that ejaculates like 20 feet.

–E 3rd St & 1st Ave

Guy: The world is my cumrag!

–4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jordan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We managed to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Matt

Intoxicated college boy to friend: I don't want to jism on a girl's back…yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: watching her back

Suit getting off train, turning around and yelling: Was it semen? (waves goodbye)

–1 Train

Overheard by: hsw

Posted on October 15, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cum, Frat Boys, Friends, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Shopping, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

No Wednesday One-Liners in the Champagne Room

Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club.

–28th & Lex

Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night.

–St. James Theatre

Overheard by: Erin

Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper!

–Bobst Library

Overheard by: evil em

Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that!

–Port Authority

Posted on August 5, 2017
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, NYU, Offers and requests, Port Authority, Strippers, Theater & Dance, Washington Square Park, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace

Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island.

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself…

Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope.

–Flatiron District

Posted on July 13, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Fordham, Girls, Handicaps, Jobs & Careers, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Panhandling, Penn Station, Questions, School, Staten Island, Students, Suits, Teens, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Video Games, Women, Words

Murray Hill and Gramercy