Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?

–Playground, Houston St, Soho

Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: skeptical james

Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flushing Playground

Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!

–Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kendra

Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: i feel the same way

Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: wooohoooo

Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!

–American Museum of Natural History

Posted on February 16, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Food, Glad the Condom Broke, Hudson River, Kids, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Music, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Smoking, Soho, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wiggers, Wishes & desires

Two Valid Responses to the Place Where Ross and Rachel Did It

Artsy girlfriend: Ooh, I smell art!
Artsy boyfriend: I see boobs.
(they giggle and kiss gleefully)

–Natural History Museum

Posted on January 21, 2015
Arts & Letters, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Laughter, Museum of Natural History, Rack, Sensory Experiences

Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries

Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.

–39th & Lex

Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Steven Lowell

Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?

–Museum of Natural History

Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: CocteauBoy

5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?

–59th between Broadway & 7th

Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub

Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.

–American Wing Cafe, the Met

Overheard by: guingel

MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.

–Bleecker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Brewster

Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: Jon A.

Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jon

Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.

–53rd & Broadway

Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.

–Q101 bus

Overheard by: Kaleena

Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.

–14th St 1 station

Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!

–59th & 7th

Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”

–The Strand, Broadway

Overheard by: Miss Parker

Posted on January 15, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Construction Guys, Druggies, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, Museums, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Pickiness, Poop, Private Parts, Queers, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sex & Relationships, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Suits, The Met, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets

So That’s Where Cain and Abel’s Wives Came From

Teen girl, observing scantily clothed Inca healer: Gosh, Mom, didn’t they have any decency?
Mom: Well, all this was before Adam and Eve.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: not a history major

Posted on January 3, 2015
History & Geography, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Nudity, Teens

I’ll Trade You for Most People Shower

Teen girl: Ugh, it stinks in here!
Woman in stall: There’s a book in the gift shop called Everyone Poops. You should look into it.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: i just had to pee

Posted on December 24, 2014
Museum of Natural History, Scents of the City, Strangers

Though, to Be Fair, on the Way Here a Hobo Spit on Me.

Bratty kid to mother: I hate this! I'd rather we went to the zoo instead.
Unrelated older teenage girl: I'd rather be here than have a llama spit on me at the zoo.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: KJPepper

Posted on December 17, 2014
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Gripes, Kids, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Strangers, Teens

Though That Would Be a Great Batman Villain.

Child: The man-of-war is in a black suit, right?
Father: It's not an actual man.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Harmony Yourish

Posted on December 7, 2014
Clothing, Colors, Dads, Kids, Museum of Natural History

Just Don't Be Slutting It Up in the Museum

Girl to security guard going through her purse: You can open that if you want, it's just my make up.
Security guard: Girl, I don't need to see all your warpaint!

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Amanda