Ghetto guy: So what was his name?
Ghetto girl: Confucius.
Ghetto guy: No, what was his real name?
Ghetto girl: Confucius!
Ghetto guy: He didn’t have no last name?
Ghetto girl: No, he’s like Madonna; he don’t need no last name!
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Joanna Kim
Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it’s normal?
–51st St & Lexington
Overheard by: jake‑e
Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C’mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you’re dead. Get up.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: I guess not a normal person
Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what’s normal and what’s, like, super above normal.
–Hunter College
Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now – like a normal person.
–Museum of Natural History
Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn’t be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal!
–Shuttle to Times Square
Wasp woman, looking at Asian Peoples exhibit: Oh, honey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chinese food place we like!
–Museum of Natrual History
Overheard by: Heather
Older man to Chinese friend: You know, Caucasians really can’t tell the difference between the Asians and the Chinese.
–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: James
Burly bouncer to burnt‐out groupie: Don’t think of it as a finger, think of it as an Asian penis.
–11th & 3rd
Tourist on cell: I think I’m heading towards Little Italy, but all I see are Chinese people. I feel like fuckin’ Marco Polo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls into pile of trash bags)
–Canal St
Giggling 20‐something: So we hired a new intern, and she’s Asian!
–Murray Hill
Overheard by: sab
Girl: He’s like, “Why so cold?” and I’m like, “You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I cannot emphasize enough that you licked my ear.”
–43rd & 9th
Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ruin our friendship?
–W 4th Street
Eight‐year old boy: Can I please lick your eyeball, mom?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: thankfully, not the mom
20‐something woman talking to friends: So, having some guy really close to your ear with his tongue out is the most horrifying thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the subway. He emptied, like, an entire tube of toothpaste on my hair and back and then proceeded to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bathroom. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I didn’t feel clean until I got home and took a shower.
–Gift Shop, The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Lauren Weiss
Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.
–Astor Place Subway Station
Overheard by: Shane and Sammy
Pretentious redhead: So I said, “Please don’t lick me. I’m just trying to do my job.”
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: wondering where she works
Bimbette: Oh, that’s that guy Darwin.
Dude: Didn’t he invent Darwinism?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: JBL
Thug: This was what I was tryin’ to tell him. I mean, why not? We got thumbs just like them monkeys.
Thugette: Yeah.
Thug: Some people even look like them apes too. You ever seen someone who looks like an ape?
Thugette: Yeah. She was pretty.
–Museum of Natural History
Guy #1: Look at that. His front arms are so small.
Guy #2: Why do you think he looks so angry? He couldn’t whack off.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Corey F
Seven‐year‐old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?
–Playground, Houston St, Soho
Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!
–Pier 46, Hudson River Park
Overheard by: skeptical james
Three‐year‐old boy: The night… why does it hurt?
–Flushing Playground
Six‐year‐old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun‐ger! Hun‐ger! Hun‐ger!
–Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope
Overheard by: Kendra
Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush‐hour: How are we going to get through all of this?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: i feel the same way
Four‐year‐old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good good night!
–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square
Overheard by: wooohoooo
Little girl, in Cro‐Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!
–American Museum of Natural History
Artsy girlfriend: Ooh, I smell art!
Artsy boyfriend: I see boobs.
(they giggle and kiss gleefully)
–Natural History Museum
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5‑Year‐Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non‐Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
