Wednesday One-Liners Are Between Jobs

Homeless man, to toddler: Can I get a high-five?
[Toddler high-fives homeless man.]Homeless man: Can I get a dollar?

–D Train

Overheard by: sara

Shivering bum: Yo, can you guys help me out? Otherwise I’m gonna sing a song and I don’t wanna hurt your ears.

–N 7th & Bedford

Black homeless man: Excuse me… Can anyone help a broke nigga get his eat on?

–6 Train

Bum: Dollar for your favorite bum?

–Lafayette & E. 4th St

Bum, approaching another bum standing in the only two square feet of sunlit space for many blocks: Yeahh! You found the spot!

–Financial District

Overheard by: nunya

Homeless man: Hello, everyone. My name is Mike*, and I’m homeless and starving. If you have any- [His cell phone rings.] Excuse me. [Picks up phone.] I’m working, man, what’s up?

–Q Train

Posted on April 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Homeless, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Panhandling, Race, Singing, Street, The Village, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weather, West Village, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Swore They’d Never Become Like Their Parents

Dad to young daughter: If you want to hit daddy, you’ll have to take a number.

–Outside Court St. Bagels, Court & Bergen, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Exhausted dad to loud, hyperactive, young son: Yes, everyone knows you’re here. Terminal six food court line.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jen

Mother, to seven-year-old son as she enters a liquor store: Jesus, what’s wrong with you? This is why nobody likes you -you’re annoying!

–Outside Liquor Store, W 57th St

Overheard by: PetRunner

Father quizzically looking at waddling toddler: How can you be anti-park? I mean, you’re a kid! You can run around!

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Sassy inner-city mom to dawdling daughter: Get ovah here or I’m going to have to take out my imaginary belt.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mother, to five-year-old daughter picking up cookies: Is that what you eat at daddy’s house?

–The Food Emporium, 88th St

Overheard by: charlotte

Mother speaking sternly to her infant in the baby carriage: Capiche???

–53rd & 9th

Overheard by: AH Hell’s Kitchen

Posted on April 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dads, Food, Grocery Stores, Insults, JFK Airport, Kids, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Punch, Questions, Store, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Like, Sleeping-with-Men Disgusting

Lesbian #1: Let’s have seven babies and open an organic bakery in Vermont.
Lesbian #2: That sounds disgusting.

–Williamsburg

Posted on April 22, 2008
Babies, Couples, Default, Jobs & Careers, Lesbians, Offers and requests, U.S. Geography, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

…Cowboy

Pretentious hipster: So where are you ethnically from?
Indian girl: India.
Pretentious hipster: Well, I know that, but are you from Bangladesh, Pakistan, or India?
Indian girl: India.
Pretentious hipster: Ohhh, you’re Native American.
Indian girl: I’ll take that drink now.

–Welcome to the Johnsons Bar, Lower East Side

Overheard by: blondie

Posted on April 22, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Desi, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Stupidity

We’re Just Thankful It Wasn’t Another Auschwitz Joke

Douchebag trying to get on an over-crowded train: Move in!
Annoyed lady: There’s no more room!
Glib red-headed chick: It’s a subway, not a clown car!

–4 Train

Posted on April 21, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

And Take Off Those Pleather Jackets –You’re Embarassing Me

Little girl: Daddy, what’s that building?
Harried dad: The Goldman-Sachs building, I think, in Jersey City.
Little boy: What town is that on top of the hill?
Harried dad: Union city.
Little girl: What are they building there?
Harried dad: Condos. Jesus, will you two turn around? I didn’t pay $45 for you to look at New Jersey.

–NY Waterway Ferry

Overheard by: Atlantic13

Posted on April 20, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Ferry, Girls, Kids, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, Questions, U.S. Geography

Another Fucking Book-Reader

Professor #1: Some fucking student requested we read the book in the class.
Professor #2: That’s mad twisted, yo.

–Barnes & Noble, Court and Schermerhorn, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on April 20, 2008
Brooklyn, Coworkers, Education, Offers and requests, Store, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Relax– It’s About Sour Cream

Punk #1, singing: What would you do with a dollop? A dollop? A –
Punk #2: Stop singing that shit!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 18, 2008
Default, Offers and requests, Punks, Singing, Violence, Washington Square Park

Sparkly Decorations Are Unequivocably Straight Fare

Dad: Hey kids, let’s stop and take a picture with the famous tree, you’ve never done that before.
Kid #1: [looking up]… Eh, no thanks, dad.
Kid #2: Yeah dad, we’re good.
Dad: … You kids are gay.

–Rock Center

Posted on April 17, 2008
Dads, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Pictures, Rockefeller Center, Sexuality

George Washington Said Something about My Momma

Cashier: That comes out to $5.50.
[Man hands cashier a $5 with a hole in it.]Cashier: Uh, do you have anything better? You know without a hole in it?
Man: Naw, I got mad at it so I shot it.
Cashier: Ah, totally understandable.

–McDonald’s, Bronx

Posted on April 17, 2008
Anger Management, Cashiers, Customers, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoot, The Bronx

Offers and requests