Wednesday One-Liners Swore They’d Never Become Like Their Parents

Dad to young daughter: If you want to hit daddy, you’ll have to take a number.

–Outside Court St. Bagels, Court & Bergen, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Exhausted dad to loud, hyperactive, young son: Yes, everyone knows you’re here. Terminal six food court line.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jen

Mother, to seven-year-old son as she enters a liquor store: Jesus, what’s wrong with you? This is why nobody likes you -you’re annoying!

–Outside Liquor Store, W 57th St

Overheard by: PetRunner

Father quizzically looking at waddling toddler: How can you be anti-park? I mean, you’re a kid! You can run around!

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Sassy inner-city mom to dawdling daughter: Get ovah here or I’m going to have to take out my imaginary belt.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mother, to five-year-old daughter picking up cookies: Is that what you eat at daddy’s house?

–The Food Emporium, 88th St

Overheard by: charlotte

Mother speaking sternly to her infant in the baby carriage: Capiche???

–53rd & 9th

Overheard by: AH Hell’s Kitchen

Posted on April 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dads, Food, Grocery Stores, Insults, JFK Airport, Kids, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Parks, Public Transportation, Punch, Questions, Store, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Like, Sleeping-with-Men Disgusting

Lesbian #1: Let’s have seven babies and open an organic bakery in Vermont.
Lesbian #2: That sounds disgusting.

–Williamsburg

Posted on April 22, 2008
Babies, Couples, Default, Jobs & Careers, Lesbians, Offers and requests, U.S. Geography, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

…Cowboy

Pretentious hipster: So where are you ethnically from?
Indian girl: India.
Pretentious hipster: Well, I know that, but are you from Bangladesh, Pakistan, or India?
Indian girl: India.
Pretentious hipster: Ohhh, you’re Native American.
Indian girl: I’ll take that drink now.

–Welcome to the Johnsons Bar, Lower East Side

Overheard by: blondie

Posted on April 22, 2008
Bars & Clubs, Default, Desi, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Stupidity

We’re Just Thankful It Wasn’t Another Auschwitz Joke

Douchebag trying to get on an over-crowded train: Move in!
Annoyed lady: There’s no more room!
Glib red-headed chick: It’s a subway, not a clown car!

–4 Train

Posted on April 21, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

And Take Off Those Pleather Jackets –You’re Embarassing Me

Little girl: Daddy, what’s that building?
Harried dad: The Goldman-Sachs building, I think, in Jersey City.
Little boy: What town is that on top of the hill?
Harried dad: Union city.
Little girl: What are they building there?
Harried dad: Condos. Jesus, will you two turn around? I didn’t pay $45 for you to look at New Jersey.

–NY Waterway Ferry

Overheard by: Atlantic13

Posted on April 20, 2008
Boys, Dads, Default, Ferry, Girls, Kids, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, Questions, U.S. Geography

Another Fucking Book-Reader

Professor #1: Some fucking student requested we read the book in the class.
Professor #2: That’s mad twisted, yo.

–Barnes & Noble, Court and Schermerhorn, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on April 20, 2008
Brooklyn, Coworkers, Education, Offers and requests, Store, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Relax– It’s About Sour Cream

Punk #1, singing: What would you do with a dollop? A dollop? A –
Punk #2: Stop singing that shit!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 18, 2008
Default, Offers and requests, Punks, Singing, Violence, Washington Square Park

Sparkly Decorations Are Unequivocably Straight Fare

Dad: Hey kids, let’s stop and take a picture with the famous tree, you’ve never done that before.
Kid #1: [looking up]… Eh, no thanks, dad.
Kid #2: Yeah dad, we’re good.
Dad: … You kids are gay.

–Rock Center

Posted on April 17, 2008
Dads, Kids, Offers and requests, Parents, Pictures, Rockefeller Center, Sexuality

George Washington Said Something about My Momma

Cashier: That comes out to $5.50.
[Man hands cashier a $5 with a hole in it.]Cashier: Uh, do you have anything better? You know without a hole in it?
Man: Naw, I got mad at it so I shot it.
Cashier: Ah, totally understandable.

–McDonald’s, Bronx

Posted on April 17, 2008
Anger Management, Cashiers, Customers, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoot, The Bronx

Wednesday One-Liners: the Best of Cities and the Worst of Cities

Guy: Yeah, he has this obsession with white weasels. It’s just very New York, you know?

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Kate

White Girl: I’m leaving this city, it’s all just bed bugs and bad drugs.

–Queensboro Plaza

Overheard by: Zach

Prudish waitress, to another: In New York, you just come to expect cock-on-cock, ass-on-ass talk… In DC, you don’t.

–1 Train

Student to friend: You play the paranoid freak, I will play the egomaniac. We will call it "New York".

–49th & 1st

Thug #1 to Thug #2, while observing typical, plain, Midwest vacationing family getting off a tour bus: Get back on that bus! This New York! You can’t handle this shit! [Teenage kids smile. The father, absolutely horrified, grabs the kids and throws them back on the bus.]

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Bunk Moreland

Posted on April 16, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Drugs, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Only in New York, Sexuality, Street, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Travel, U.S. Geography, Waitresses, Weirdness, White People, Words

Offers and requests