Eight-year-old to dad: Give me another acting exercise!
Dad: Try acting not weird.
–46th St b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Serena
Eight-year-old to dad: Give me another acting exercise!
Dad: Try acting not weird.
–46th St b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Serena
Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo’ mouth!
–Uptown 6 Train
NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Julium
Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.
–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!
–Union Square
Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: molly
Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.
–Hill Country BBQ
Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.
Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.
–Time Warner Center
Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat!
–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park
Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: fellow fatass
Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!
–W Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: JR
Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4!
–Central Park West
Overheard by: Rich H
Girl: So, what do you want to do?
Tourist guy: I want to meet a famous person!
Guy: I’m sure we can get some tickets to MTV or something.
Tourist guy: No, I wanna see them on the street and be like “Hey. You!” and have them turn around and be like “*gasp* Woah” and I’d be like “Woah”.
–1 Train
Overheard by: teehee
Suit: Excuse me. You know, if you wouldn’t stand in the doors, we could all get on and get off a lot faster.
Woman: Shut the fuck up, bitch.
–A train, Jay Street station
Overheard by: David Wood
Anxious woman, running up to counter: The postal truck is blocking my car! I asked him to move and he wouldn’t! All he has to do is put the truck in reverse!
Postal worker lady: He don’t know how to. Obviously.
–125th St Post Office
Tiny elderly woman, angrily: I want some comfortable shoes that I can walk in!
Salesman: Oh, but we have so many…
Tiny elderly woman: I can't decide like that! Brands! Give me one brand!
Salesman: Mephisto.
Tiny elderly woman: No! Not Mephisto!
–Shoestore, W 72nd St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!
–Grand Concourse, 205th St.
Overheard by: LSB
Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.
–11th & A
Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mark
Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.
–Queens Mall
Overheard by: LSB
Little boy: Daddy, I gotta pee!
Dad: Son, we're in Central Park, everywhere is a bathroom.
–Central Park
