Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: HJWC

English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: stupid english student

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’

–Bard High School Early College

Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.

–Hunter College High

English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on November 2, 2017
Advice, Ass, Bronx Science, Classroom, College, Default, Drugs, Education, Etiquette, Hunter, Illness, Insults, Offers and requests, Old People, Poop, Questions, School, School and studying, Sex, Stupidity, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, Time, Weirdness, Words

And Still, K-Fed Got Custody Of the Kids

20-something bum: Excuse me, miss, can I please have a cigarette?
Young woman smoking: Sure.
20-something bum: Thank you so much. I just took a huge hit of heroin and a cigarette after is the balls.
Young woman smoking: Well, happy trails!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on October 27, 2017
Druggies, Happiness, Heroin, Offers and requests, Smoking, Union Square and East Village, Women

Totally Worth the Annual Membership Fee

Woman: We've got snacks in the office, if you like. It's very convenient having Costco nearby.
Man: Oh, that's great! I just recently discovered BJs with my girlfriend.

–Sunset Park, Brooklyn

Posted on October 24, 2017
BJs, Brooklyn, Food, Men, Offers and requests, Parks, Shopping, Women

I'll Also Need to Inspect Your Buns Quite Thoroughly

Unwitting tourist to hot dog vendor: Can I see your sausage before I buy?
Hot dog vendor: Excuse me, hon?

–Astor Place

Posted on October 20, 2017
Hot dog stands, Junk Food & Fast Food, Offers and requests, Penis, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Words

For Those of You Who Miss Supermarket Sweep…

Five-year-old boy, crowded around his mothers’ blackberry with younger sisters: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1! Mommy… time’s up!
Mother, who had been rushing around the sale room with just one item: [Ddisappointed] Okay, okay. I guess I’ll just take this one sweater…

–Anthropologie

Overheard by: amused shopper

Posted on October 18, 2017
Blackberry, Boys, Brothers, Default, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Shopping, Store

Wednesday One-Liners Choo-Choo-Choose You

Conductor: Attention downtown passengers. The train that just left the station was obviously not your train.

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Hey, it’s the MTA who should be spanked!

–Rector St.

Overheard by: Ladle

Small girl to mom: I like this train station the best because it has an elevator, and you can see the whole world outside. The whole wide beautiful world.

–Harlem Escalator, 1 Train

Overheard by: Mark Brinker

Guy: I get all my information from subway ads.

–F Train

Overheard by: Thom Cohen

Woman, hearing garbled announcement that E train is running as an F: No! They are takin’ all my E trains!

–E Train

Overheard by: I can has E train?

Crackhead: Make sure to take your newspapers with you on the way out of the train. I’m having company over later and I want it to look nice.

–Franklin Avenue Shuttle

Overheard by: shuttle rider

Posted on October 7, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Druggies, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

You Put That in Your Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman, to friend: he was so excited, I thought his butt plug was going to shoot out of his ass.

–Spring Street and 6th St

Overheard by: Sarah O.

Dude in fur coat and construction boots: My mom asked me if I had a razor in my butt…

–Downtown ‘1’ Train

Husband to wife:
I can’t believe you just put your finger up my butt hole!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: bonifacia

Transvestite prostitute: I just got off my second and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fingers in his booty.

–Meat-packing District

Overheard by: Erin

Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass into your ass!

–Bleeker & Barrow

Overheard by: ivy270

Guy on cell phone passing by: normally when you say that, my asshole starts puckering!

–Union Square

Posted on October 6, 2017
Advice, Ass, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Questions, Soho, The Village, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

What's So Great Aboot Wednesday One-Liners, Eh?

Man on subway, about to exit: Obama, Islam, Canada. Obama, in Islam, and Canada. (exits train)

–Downtown D Train

Overheard by: katiekatydid

Thug to tourists: How do you say "thank you" in Canadian?

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Fluent in Canadian

Student: I'm so sick and tired of your Canadian condescension.

–Eugene Lang College

Crazy Brooklynite at a payphone: The Queen owns everything! She owns Europe, she owns Africa, and she owns Canada! The one thing she doesn't own is the US. So could somebody give me a US quarter for a Canadian quarter?

–Broadway & 8th St

Ditzy blonde to another: Do we look Canadian?

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holls

Posted on October 4, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crazies, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Islam, Languages, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, President, Questions, Students, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

That'd Be Awful– Really Cool to See, Though

Volunteer with clipboard: Do you have a minute to help the environment?
Suit on cell: Fuck the environment, I hope the shit blows up!

–14 St b/w 5th & 6 Ave

Posted on August 31, 2017
Activists, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Animals & Nature, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Offers and requests