Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical

Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time!

–Curtis High School, Staten Island

Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish.

–Jazz at Lincoln Center

Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Overheard by: Queixa

Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Kateri

Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that.

–Marie's Crisis Piano Bar

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard

Posted on September 13, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bank, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Disney, Drinking & Drunk People, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Lesbians, Music, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Singing, Staten Island, Street, Students, Stupidity, Time, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

(Sung to the Tune of The Hokey Pokey)

Thug on cell, after helping an old women with a walker out of the doorway: Yeah, man, you know me. Slashing tires and rapin’ women, that’s what I’m all about.

–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: InnocentlyEvil

Posted on July 29, 2017
Brooklyn, Old People, On Cell, Park Slope, Thugs, Violence

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Posted on June 5, 2017
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coffee, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Ethnic Food, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Men, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

An Overheard NYC Weather Report

Old man: Well, it’s colder out there than a mother-in-law’s kiss.

–Snack Taverna, Bedford St.

Overheard by: Aria Sloss

Posted on June 2, 2017
Families, Family Ties, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Weather

That Asshole Owes Me Twenty Bucks!

Old woman, putting stamps on envelope: I wish they would change the picture on these…
Middle aged woman: Frank Sinatra?
Old woman: Oh god, not that creep!

–Post Office, Stuyvesant

Overheard by: flat rate box

Posted on May 29, 2017
Brooklyn, Insults, Music, Old People, Pictures, Post Office, Wishes & desires, Women

He Knows the Stroke is Imminent

Chick: Do you want this seat?
Old man: I may be 100 years old, but I’m only going one stop!

–6 train

Posted on May 23, 2017
Age/Aging, Girls, Old People, On the Subway, People, Places, Topics, Travel

Every Hunter Longs to Become the Hunted

Teenage girl: So I'm getting better at hooking up with guys and not getting attached! I hooked up with Jake last week, and I don't feel anything at all!
Friend: Yeah, but that's not hard. He's, like, impossible to get attached to. We need to find you a challenge. Who's really cute and cuddly?
Random old man walking in front of them: Pick me, pick me!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: cute and cuddly