It’s Like the Movie Hitchcock Never Bothered to Film

Conductor, over speaker: Excuse me, young lady in the pink shirt. Stop holding the door!
Someone else wearing a pink shirt: But I’m not!

–E train

Posted on February 4, 2015
Clothing, Conductors, Idiots, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Stupidity

Nor Will It Be On An Exclamation Point

Teen guy: Come on baby, no one’s home yet.
Teen girl: No, I can’t.
Teen guy: You love me right?
Teen girl: Sure!
Teen guy: So what’s the problem?
Teen girl: You know.
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl: I got my period.
Teen guy: No shit, again?
Teen girl: Be happy about that.
Teen guy: …your mouth isn’t on any period, is it?

–B train

Overheard by: Michael Fitzgerald

Posted on February 4, 2015
BJs, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens

Oh, Honey, It’s So Not What You Think

Artsy hipster girl: Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in so long!
Woman: What’s new?
Artsy hipster girl: I’m going to circus school in two weeks!

–L train

Posted on February 3, 2015
Education, Hipsters, On the Subway

Just Preparing Myself for the Inevitability

Gay guy #1: I would go crazy if my mom died, I would be on Vicodin.
Gay guy #2: You are on Vicodin.
Gay guy #1: I know.

–D Train

Posted on February 3, 2015
Death, Family Ties, Medicine, On the Subway, Parents, Queer guys

Ronald Looks Pretty White, Though– Just Sayin'

Foreign 7th-grade boy: Where do you live?
Local 7th-grade boy: Harlem, have you ever heard of Harlem?
Foreign boy: No.
Local boy: Do you know McDonald's?
Foreign boy: Yes.
Local boy: That's where Harlem is.

–3 Train

Posted on February 2, 2015
Foreigners, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Stupidity

What Would Jack Do?

Aging Dungeons & Dragons geek #1: Man, I have to poop.
Aging D&D geek #2: Hmm.
Aging D&D geek #1: This is seriously becoming a problem… especially on Monday nights when I have to poop.
Aging D&D geek #2: Yeah?
Aging D&D geek #1: Yeah. See, I get home from work and I eat until about 8:30 but then I have to watch 24 and I don’t have time to poop. I don’t even have time to poop during the commercials.

–B train

Overheard by: girl trying NOT to overhear

Posted on February 2, 2015
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, On the Subway, Poop, TV

How Bristol Palin Meets All Her Suitors

Guy on cell: Just because I slept with your mother doesn't mean you could call me daddy!
Girl on train: You could be my baby's daddy if you want!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Richard B.

Posted on February 2, 2015
Baby Mama/Daddy, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Passengers, Sex

I Only Care About the Important Things, Like the Size of His Apartment

Girl #1: … So, do you have a thing for him?
Girl #2: No. I mean he’s cute, but he’s overweight and doesn’t dress that well.
Girl #1: That never stops me!

–1 Train

Overheard by: p9

Posted on February 1, 2015
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Fashion, Friends, Girls, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Relationships

You Realize Giving Head Makes You Gay, Right?

Busker with jackhammer vibrato: Some say looooooooove it is a huuuuuuuuuuuuunger…
Suit: I'm going to chew off my cortex.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on February 1, 2015
Body Parts, Love, Musicians, On the Subway, Singing, Suits, Vendors & Street Performers

Seriously, Women's Shoes Are Ridiculous

Man to woman, boarding train together: The next stop is 5th Avenue and Bryant Park. You know, you could've walked two more blocks and you would've been there.
Woman: But two blocks is a lot… I just walked four.

–7 Train

Posted on January 31, 2015
Directions, Men, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Women

On the Subway