20-ish girl #1: My grandmother said chewing gum is illegal in Singapore.
20-ish girl #2: No way.
20-ish girl #1: Yeah, if they catch you they cane you! In public!
20-ish girl #2: That sucks.
20-ish girl #1: My grandmother says it’s an acquired taste.
–R train
Queer on cell: Okay, but I’m taking the turkey with me when I leave, ’cause I’m bored.
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: amelia
Queer: I’ve become a statistic these days… I smoke a cigarette, drink my latte, talk on the phone, and drive all at the same time. What? Oh, yeah, and the occasional hand job, you’re right, I forgot…
–Chelsea Cafe
Overheard by: TJ
Queer on cell: … And then she called me and asked for advice on starving herself.
–Fung Wah Bus
Overheard by: nina
Queer: How can he still be dating her? She’s bearded! We told her she has a beard, and she didn’t do anything about it! That’s like someone telling me I have a goiter and not doing anything about it.
–116th & Broadway
Guy on cell: That’s what I love about being a gay man. I don’t wanna hear your shit, I don’t wanna hear your life story, just put your cock in my mouth.
–7th Ave & 26th St
Overheard by: Raze One
Girl: Have you seen my mom’s titties?
–A train
Overheard by: Matt Gossett
Crazy ranting hobo: Y’all need to get your shit together! You hear me, humans? Your shit is all outta whack! You’re all over the place like a bunch of crazy croutons and tomatoes in a crazy salad!
Man: Did that dude just call us croutons?
–A train
Overheard by: big fat crouton
Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.
–4 Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…
–Amsterdam & 112th
Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.
–84th & 2nd
Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!
–Grand Central
Suit on cell: I just don't know what my problem is. I keep getting fucked in the ass, and I just can't figure out why!
–54th b/w Madison & 5th
Overheard by: Pedro
Gay guy to boyfriend (angrily): Well, fine–you can fuck your own ass then.
–W Train
Overheard by: Bethany
Female suit on cell: That's the last time I tell him he can put it anywhere…I haven't been able to sit right all day.
–54th & 5th
Overheard by: GP
Hipster girl to friend: These short-haired girls are starting to piss me off. The only reason why they get all the artsy guys is 'cause they look like fellow fags and aren't prissy about taking it up the butt.
–6 Train
Overheard by: lauren
Girl on cell: He wanted to do it in the butt… No, his butt.
–37th & 7th
Serious woman to friends: Yeah, my students are telling me that the newest thing is butt sex.
–116th & Broadway
Girl #1: Well, college is different, because you're on your own, but in a very structured environment.
Girl #2: Did I tell you about the pancakes?
–4 Train
Ghetto guy herding large group of rowdy kids off train: Scuse me, scuse me, scuse me! Lotta kids, they all ain't mine!
–C Train
Overheard by: Julie S.
Professional woman on cell: I mean, she said she'd finally come to the place where she realizes her kids are shit, and she can just wash her hands off the whole situation and be done with it!
–40th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rachel
Receptionist to UPS guy: Shit, I got five kids, and they're all bad.
–6th Ave & 47th
Overheard by: thanks mom
Angry woman, yelling on phone: Nigga, don't give me that "parenting role" shit!
–Flatbush Ave & Park Place, Brooklyn
Concerned mother: He's not even potty-trained, all he does is eat the toilet paper.
–University Pl & 8th St
Overheard by: Justin
Woman: When I got into college I entered into a world of sausage.
Man: Uh…
Woman: Come on!
–D Train
Overheard by: pop pop
Southern woman on phone: You can’t threaten me with jail! Three hots and a cot, I ain’t nobody’s momma, and I ain’t nobody’s wife! And I ain’t above eating pussy!
–A train
